Most commented jokes

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
→ It only takes one nail to hang the picture.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?
→ He sold his soul to Santa.

Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital (a Catholic hospital), and taken quickly in for coronary surgery.
The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed.

- Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine - said the nun, gently patting his hand.

- We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?

- No, I'm not - the man whispered hoarsely.

- Then can you pay in cash? - persisted the nun.

- I'm afraid I cannot, Sister.

- Well, do you have any close relatives? - the nun questioned sternly.

- Just my sister in New Mexico - he volunteered.

- But she's a humble spinster nun.

- Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not spinsters - they are married to God.

- Wonderful - said Mr. Smith.

- In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law.

Paul says to Jesus:

- Hey man, whatcha doing for Passover?

Jesus says:

- Just hanging around.

Easter is approaching. Father O'Maley checks estimates for the flower decoration of the altar.
The catholic florist - $ 300.

- Too expensive - moans the priest.

The protestant florist - $ 250:

- No, it would not be right to buy at another Christian believer, especially as the price difference is rather small.

But lo! Solly Goldberg - $ 75!!!
Religion or economics? After much consideration, Solly obtains the contract.
On Easter Sunday morning, Goldberg's men deliver the flowers: wonderful roses, azaleas, camellias, tulips and carnations. O'Maley's last reservations are discarded.
When the parishioners arrive in the church, they see the magnificent flower arrangement and a ribbon with the inscription:

- Jesus has risen! But the prices of Goldberg always stay the same.

The priest was preparing a man for his long day's journey into night.
Whispering firmly, the priest said:

- Denounce the Devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!

The dying man said nothing.
The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing.
The priest asked:

- Why do you refuse to denounce the Devil and his evil?

The dying man said:

- Until I know where I'm heading, I don't think I ought to aggravate anybody!

The local priest came across Paddy who had stumbled out of the town tavern.

- Paddy - he said:

- I'm afraid I'll not be seeing you in Heaven one day.

- Really, Father? - slurred Paddy.

- What have you done?

On the steps of this church two pan handlers were doing their daily business. One wore a large cross on his chest and the other - a star of David. Of course, most of the church goers generously gave to the cross wearer and the other was overlooked.
Finally the Pastor approached the Jew and suggested that if he take off the star of David maybe he'd get some more hand outs.

- Get this guy, Chaim - laughs the pan handler and turns to his cross wearing pal:

- He's trying to teach us how to do business!

A few years ago, when the Catholic church reform began to be much in the news, Mrs. Moskowitz said to Mrs. Finkelstein:

- Tell me, Becky, have you heard by chance what's going on in Rome?

- No - said Mrs Finkelstein.

- I haven't. What's going on in Rome?

- A meeting of high Catholic churchmen has, among other things, decided that the Jews are not responsible for the crucifixion of Jesus.

Mrs Finkelstein raised her eyebrows.

- Indeed? And who is responsible, then?

- I'm not sure - said Mrs. Moskowitz.

- I think they suspect the Puerto Ricans.

Two priests and a rabbi were discussing what portion of the weekly collection they kept for themselves. The first priest explained that he drew a circle on the ground, stepped a few paces back and pitched the money towards the circle.
What landed in the circle he kept and what landed outside the circle god kept.
The second priest claimed that his method was almost the same, except that what landed outside the circle went to the priest and the money that landed inside the circle god kept.
The rabbi said:

- I've got you both beat. I throw the money into the air and what god wants, god takes.