Most commented jokes

A young boy asked his father:

- Dad, do lawyers ever tell the truth?

The father thought for a moment:

- Yes son, sometimes a lawyer will do anything to win a case!

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. - Isn't it true, - he bellowed, - that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?

The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't hear the question.

- Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case? - the lawyer repeated.

The witness still did not respond.

Finally, the judge leaned over and said:

- Sir, please answer the question.

- Oh, - the startled witness said, - I thought he was talking to you.

What do you have when you bury six lawyers up to their necks in sand?
→ Not enough sand.

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband:

- Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin.

- What? - said the puzzled groom.

- How can that be if you've been married ten times?

- Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him!
But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!

- Good, - said the new husband, - but, why?

- You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!

A New York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him:

- What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?

The Lawyer thought a moment, then said:

- A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street.

Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true.

Saint Peter said:

- Well, that's fine, but it's not really quite enough to get you into Heaven.

The Lawyer said:

- Wait Wait! There's more! Three years ago I also gave a homeless person a quarter.

Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back, affirming this, too, had been verified.

Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel:

- Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?

Gabriel gave the Lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter:

- Let's give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell.

Why are lawyers buried 12 feet deep instead of just six?
→ Because deep down they really are good people.

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Audrey!

- Audrey who?

- Audrey be doing this!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Augusta!

- Augusta who?

- Augusta go home now!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Aunt Lou!

- Aunt Lou who?

- Aunt Lou do you think you are!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Ashley!

- Ashley who?

- Ashley-t's foot!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Asia!

- Asia who?

- Asia you going to let me in then!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Aries!

- Aries who?

- Aries a reason why I talk this way!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Arizona!

- Arizona who?

- Arizona room for one of us in this town!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Anka!

- Anka who?

- Anka the ship!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Ankansas!

- Ankansas who?

- Ankansas though any piece of wood!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Amory!

- Amory who?

- Amory Christmas and a Happy New Year!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Alva!

- Alva who?

- Alva heart!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Alvin!

- Alvin who!

- Alvin a great time, how about you?

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Allan!

- Allan who!

- Allan-d of Manhattan!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Allegra!

- Allegra who?

- Allegra is broken!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Alma!

- Alma who?

- Alma-ny Knock Knock

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Aardvark!

- Aardvark who?

- Aardvark a hundred miles for one of your smiles!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Aaron!

- Aaron who!

- Aaron on the side of caution!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Acid!

- Acid who?

- Acid down and be quiet!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Ada!

- Ada who?

- Ada burger for lunch!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Adam!

- Adam who?

- Adam if I do and adam if I don't!