Most commented jokes

A new jail warden was being shown through the jailhouse by the old warden. Soon, after making rounds around the rest of the jail, they get to the cafeteria. In one corner, he sees a group of elderly men laughing hysterically. Interested, he watches them while the older warden gets his food. One of the men shouts out "63!" and the entire table bursts out laughing. The new warden is totally baffled by the behavior of them. "74!", again a chorus of guffaws ring out. The old warden comes back to the table where the new warden sits staring, and the new warden asks "What are those elderly men doing." The old warden smirks, and says, "Oh, those are the life timers. They've been in here so long, they just number their jokes."

Meanwhile another one calls out "2!". Nobody laughs. The new warden leans over and asks, "What happened?" To this the warden replied, "Oh, he blew the delivery."

A Baptist preacher and a catholic preacher are driving out on a road. The catholic preacher sees a cat in the middle of the road, and slams on his brakes. The cat is avoided, but the Baptist preacher hits the back of the catholic preacher. They step out of their cars, and begin talking.

- Oh, I am so sorry, that was my fault - says the Baptist preacher.

While waiting for the cops after they called by cell phone, the preachers soon start talking about their professions to pass the time.

- You know, I never understood why catholic preachers don't drink wine to represent Christ's blood.

The catholic preacher responds:

- Well, we believe that drinking wine is wrong, and just use grape juice instead.

- I have a bottle of wine in my glove compartment right now. Tell you what, let's drink a little right now while waiting for the cops.

"Oh, no I couldn't," replies the catholic, but after pressuring him, the catholic preacher soon agrees. The Baptist preacher takes out the wine and a couple of Dixie cups, and pours a little into each. The catholic preacher drinks it down quickly.

"That wasn't that bad, you're right," the catholic preacher says. Noticing the baptist hasn't drank his wine, he asks, "Aren't you going to have some?"

- Oh sure - the other replies - I'll wait until after the cops come though.

A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said:

- I wish you could talk.

The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down. "You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer.

Again, the monkey shook his head up and down.

- Well, did you see this?

- Yes - motioned the monkey.

- What happened?

The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.

- They were drinking? - asked the officer.

The monkey shakes his head:

- Yes.

- What else?

The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.

- They were smoking marijuana?

The monkey shakes his head:

- Yes.

- What else?

The monkey motioned:

- kissing.

- They were kissing, too? - asked the astounded officer.

The monkey shakes his head:

- Yes.

- Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, smoking and kissing before they wrecked.

The monkey shakes his head:

- Yes.

- What were you doing during all this?

- Driving - motioned the monkey.

What is the difference between a paycheque and a penis?
→ You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheque!

One day A Blonde girl was running out to check her mail and a neighbor was watching. 5 minutes later she checked it again this happened all through the day till the neighbor went outside and stopped her and asked her why she kept looking in her mail box and her reply was:

- My computer keeps telling me I have mail!

One day a guy walks into a bar. The bartender says "if you can make that horse over there laugh you can have free drinks for the rest of the night". So he says "ok" and walks over to the horse and whispers something in his ear and he starts laughing and the bartender gives him free drinks for the rest of the night.

The next night the same guy comes back in and the bartender says "if you can make that horse over there cry i will give you free drinks for the rest of the night." So he walks over there and does something and the horse starts crying, and the bartender gives him free drinks. Then the bartender asks what the man did to make the horse laugh and what he did to make him cry.

The man says:

- To make him laugh I told him I had a bigger dick than he does and to make him cry I showed him.

This fella goes to the doctor and says:

- Doctor, I've got a rash round my cock, have you got anything for it?

The doctor said:

- put this on and come back next week if it doesn't work.

The bloke comes back the next week and the cream hadn't worked so he tells the doctor and the doctor gives him more cream and tells him to come back next week if it doesn't work.

The bloke comes back and the cream still hasn't worked so the doctor says:

- Drop your pants.

The man drops his pants and the doctor has a look and tells him to put another cream on. The man then says:

- Doctor it's worked!! What was that?

The doctor replies:

- Lipstick remover

One night a lady pregnant with triplets was walking by and a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her in the stomach three times. Her docter told her that he couldn't perform surgery because it would be too risky. All was well for 16 years when one of the girls came running into the room crying.

- Whats wrong? - asked the mother.

"I was taking a pee and a bullet came out". "It's ok" said the mom and explained what happened 16 years ago. A week later the other girl came running into the room crying, "I know what happened, you were taking a pee and a bullet came out?"

"Yes" replied the girl. "It's ok" said the mom and explained what happened 16 years ago. A week later the boy came running in crying, "I know what happened, you were taking a pee and a bullet came out. - No - replied the boy - I was playing with myself and shot the dog!!!!!!!!

A distraught man went to a psychiatrist and exclaimed, "Doctor, I believe that I am possessed by an evil spirit." After talking to the patient at some length, the psychiatrist said, "You do appear to have a problem. I'd like to see you again next Wednesday."

After a second session of psychotherapy, the psychiatrist pronounced his patient completely cured.

For the next nine months, the psychiatrist sent the man a monthly statement for his professional services, but the man wouldn't pay and refused to acknowledge the debt.

Finally, the psychiatrist took the man to court and had him repossessed.

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him the beer and says:

- You know, I'm not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! I have a question though, why is your head so small?

The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many times.

- One day - he begins - I was hunting when I got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for help and finally realized that it was coming from a frog sitting next to a stream."

So I picked up the frog and it said:

- Kiss me. Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you 3 wishes.

So I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman.

She said:

- You now have 3 wishes.

I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said:

- I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenneger.

She nodded, whispered a spell, and POOF! there I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked!

She then asked:

- What will be your second wish?

I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, "I want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream." She nodded, laid down, and beckoned to me. We then made love for hours!

Later, as we lay there next to each other, sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into my ear:

- You know, you do have one more wish. What will it be?

I looked at her and replied:

- How about a little head?