Most commented jokes

A lady approaches a priest and tells him:

- Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only say 'Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some FUN?'

- That's terrible! - the priest exclaimed.

- Bring your two talking female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots who I have taught to pray and read the Bible, then my parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship.

So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.

The lady puts her female talking parrots in and they say:

- Hi, we are Prostitutes! Do you want to have some FUN?

One male parrot looks over to the other male parrot and says:

- PUT THE BIBLES AWAY! OUR PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED!!!!!

T'was the night before christmas-
Old Santa was pissed
He cussed out the elves and through down his list
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works
I've busted my ass for damn near a year
Instead of thanks Santa what do I hear
The Old lady bitches cause I work late at night
The elves want more money the reindeers all fight
Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those assholes from IRS sent me a letter
They say I owe taxes-if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money
And the kids these days- they all are the pits
They want the impossible... Those mean litttle shits
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls....

Their arms, legs, and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's
No request for them
They want computers and robots.....they think I'm IBM
If you thinks that bad...just picture this
Try holding their pants full of piss
They pull on my nose they grab at my beard
And if I don't smile the parents think I'm wierd
Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimmneys and skinning their knees
I'm quitting this job...there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment
There's no christmas this year.... now you know the reason
I found me a blonde ...

I'm going south for the season

Grow your own dope! Plant a blonde!

A little boy and a little girl, on a beach, are arguing. Little boy says to the little girl:

- I have a Nintendo!

Little girl says:

- Oh yeah, well I have a Sega and a Nintendo!

Little boy says:

- So, my dad's a doctor!

Little girls says:

- My dad's an astronaut!

Back and forth they went, each one trying to outdo the other until finally the little boy pulls down his shorts and proclaims, "But I have on of these!!!!" and shows the little girl his penis.

The little girl, not being able to retaliate, gets up and goes home. The next day, the little girl spots the little boy and proudly announces:

- My mom said that with one of these (pointing to her's) I can get as many of those as I want!!!!!!

What's the mating call of the blonde?
→ "I'm sooo drunk!"

What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
→ (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"

Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
→ In case she locks the keys in her car.

What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
→ A wind tunnel.

What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
→ A dope ring.

How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
→ She drops her nail-file!
→ Who cares?
→ She says, "Next".
→ The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.
→ He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes.
→ I mean, who really cares?
→ The batteries have run out.

What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
→ "Thanks for the refill!"