Most commented jokes

I will not waste chalk...
I will not skateboard in the halls...
I will not burp in class...
I will not draw naked ladies in class...
I did not see Elvis...
I will not call my teacher 'Hot Cakes'...
Garlic gum is not funny...
They are laughing at me, not with me...
I will not yell 'fire' in a crowded classroom...
I will not encourage others to fly...
I will not fake my way through life...
Tar is not a plaything...
I will not Xerox my butt...
I will not trade pants with others...
I will not do that thing with my tongue...
I will not drive the principal's car...
I will not pledge allegiance to Bart...
I will not sell school property...
I will not instigate revolution...

There once was an old man who was loved by everyone in the town where he lived. When he died, they buried him at a scenic location along a river.

A few days later there was a great rain storm and the river flood coffin was carried along the river in to the town. The casket flowed down the street past the supermarket and the school all the way into the pharmacy. It slid right in to the pharmacy and onto the counter. The lid popped open and the old man sat up and asked the pharmacist:

- Do you have anything to stop this coffin?

Why don't Blondes use vibrators anymore?
→ Because they keep chipping their teeth !!!

How did Dairy Queen (U.S. restaurant) get Pregnant?
→ Burger King showed her it's Whopper.

What do you call a lesbian with long fingers?
→ Well Hung.

Vito and Vladimir

There were two guys who wanted to pick up women on a beach. One was Italian (Vito) and the other was Russian (Vladimir). Vito had no problem picking up gorgeous women; he was the most popular guy on the beach. But Vladimir had no success.

- Vladimir: Vito! How do you do it? How do you attract so many beautiful women?

- Vito: Well, I'll tell ya! But it's a secret . . just between you and me. I don't want my system to become too public.

- Vladimir: OK. It's a deal.

- Vito: You see those potatoes over there? Well, every time I come to the beach I take one and put it in my Speedo. When the women see it, they come running from miles around.

- Vladimir: That's it? I can do that.

The next day, Vladimir went over to the produce stand and picked out the biggest, most perfectly shaped potato he could find. He then went into the changing room and slipped it into his Speedo. As he walked out onto the beach, he immediately noticed that women . . . and men began to notice him. "It's working, he thought." But soon he began to realize that they were not looking interested but rather upset, almost disgusted by the sight of him.

He rushed over to Vito and asked:

- Vito, what's the problem? Why isn't it working?

- Vito: Because you're supposed to put the potato in the FRONT!!

Two daughters had been given parts in a Christmas pageant at their Church. At dinner that night, they got into an argument as to who had the most important role.

Finally the 14 year old said to her 8 year old younger sister:

- Well, you just ask Mom. She'll tell you it's much harder to be a virgin than it is to be an angel!

How do you get a heavy metal guitarist to stop playing guitar?
→ Put sheet music in front of him.

What does a duck like to eat?
→ A quacker!

"Bloody Stump" by: Rusty Zipper
"Sliding Down a Flagpole" by: Dick Burns
"Brown Spots on the Wall" By: Whoflung Dung