Animal Jokes

What is a dog's favorite sport?
→ Formula 1 drooling!

What do you get if you take a really big dog out for a walk?
→ A Great Dane out!

Where does a Rottweiller sit in the cinema?
→ Anywhere it wants to!

What did the angry man sing when he found his slippers chewed up by the new puppy?
→ "I must throw that doggie out the window!"

What kind of dog does Dracula have?
→ A bloodhound!

Why did the dog wear white sneakers?
→ Because his boots were at the menders!

What is a dog's favorite food?
→ Anything that is on your plate!

What is the only kind of dog you can eat?
→ A hot dog!

What kind of dog sounds like you can eat it?
→ A sausage dog!

What do you do if your dog eats your pen?
→ Use a pencil instead!

What do you get if you cross a dog with Concorde?
→ A jet setter!

What do dogs have that no other animal has?
→ Puppy dogs!

Why did the dachshund bite the woman's ankle?
→ Because he was short and couldn't reach any higher!

Where do Eskimos train their dogs?
→ In the mush room!

Why did the snowman call his dog Frost?
→ Because frost bites!

What do you get if you cross a giraffe with a dog?
→ An animal that barks at low flying aircraft!

What do you call an alcoholic dog?
→ A whino!

What is the difference between Father Christmas and a warm dog?
→ Father Christmas wears a whole suit, a dog just pants!

When is the most likely time that a stray dog will walk into your house?
→ When the door is open!

Why don't dogs make good dancers?
→ Because they have two left feet!

Why do dogs bury bones in the ground?
→ Because you can't bury them in trees!

Why did the poor dog chase his own tail?
→ He was trying to make both ends meet!

What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose?
→ A collie-flower!

Why do dogs wag their tails?
→ "Because no one else will do it for them!"

Why didn't the dog speak to his foot?
→ Because it's not polite to talk back to your paw!

What is the dogs favorite city?
→ New Yorkie!

Who is the dogs favorite comedian?
→ Growlcho Marx!

What did the cowboy say when the bear ate Lassie?
→ "Well, doggone!"

What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?
→ He stole the show!

How can if you have a stupid dog?
→ It chases parked cars!

Which day of the week do chickens hate most?
→ Fry-day!

What happens when you drop a hand gren-egg?
→ It eggs-plodes!

Why did the chick disappoint his mother?
→ He wasn't what he was cracked up to be!

Is chicken soup good for your health?
→ Not if you're the chicken!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
→ To get to the other side!

What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy?
→ "You scratch my beak and I'll scratch yours!"

Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the mud and cross the road again?
→ Because he was a dirty double-crosser!

Why didn't the chicken skeleton cross the road?
→ Because he didn't have enough guts!

Why did the chicken cross the playground?
→ To get to the other slide!

What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon?
→ They go on peck-nics!

What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
→ Coop-cakes!

What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
→ An eggroll!

What do you call the outside of a hand gren-egg?
→ The bombshell!

What does an alarm cluck say?
→ "Tick-tock-a-doodle-doo!"

Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
→ Because if had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!

How long do chickens work?
→ Around the cluck!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
→ To prove to the possum that it could be done!

Why did the turkey cross the road?
→ To prove he wasn't chicken!

Why did the rooster cross the road?
→ To cockadoodle dooo something!

Why don't chickens like people?
→ They beat eggs!

Why did the rooster run away?
→ He was chicken!

What do chickens grow on?
→ Eggplants!

Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
→ He heard the referee calling fowls

Why is it easy for chicks to talk?
→ Because talk is cheep!

What do you get when you cross a chicken with a duck?
→ A bird that lays down!

What happens when a hen eats gunpowder?
→ She lays hand gren-eggs!

Why did the chicken cross the "net"?
→ It wanted to get to the other site!

What do you call a rooster who wakes you up at the same time every morning?
→ An alarm cluck!

Why did the chicken cross the road half way?
→ He wanted to lay it on the line!

Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
→ Because chickens hadn't evolved yet

Why did the turtle cross the road?
→ To get to the shell station

Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
→ Because it was stuck to the chicken!

Why did the horse cross the road?
→ Because the chicken needed a day off

Why did the cow cross the road?
→ To get to the udder side!

Why did the chicken end up in the soup?
→ Because it ran out of cluck!

What happened when the chicken ate cement?
→ She laid a sidewalk!

What did the chicken do when he saw a bucket of fried chicken?
→ She kicked the bucket!

What do you call a crazy chicken?
→ A cuckoo cluck!

What happened to the chicken whose feathers were all pointing the wrong way?
→ She was tickled to death!

Why was the centipede late?
→ Because he was playing "This little Piggy" with his baby brother!

What do you get if you cross a centipede and a parrot?
→ A walkie talkie!

What is worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
→ A centipede with chilblains!

What has 50 legs but cant walk?
→ Half a centipede!

What do you call a guard with 100 legs?
→ A sentrypede!

What do you get if you cross a centipede and a chicken?
→ Enough drumsticks to feed an army!

What did one centipede say to the other centipede?
→ You've got a lovely pair of legs, You've got a lovely pair of legs, You've got a lovely pair of legs, You've got a lovely pair of legs, You've got a lovely pair of legs, You've got a lovely pair of legs ....!

Why was the centipede dropped from the insect football team?
→ He took too long to put his boots on!

What is worse than an alligator with toothache?
→ A centipede with athlete's foot!

What goes 99-clonk, 99-clonk, 99-clonk?
→ A centipede with a wooden leg!

What does a caterpillar do on New Years Day?
→ Turns over a new leaf!

What is the definition of a caterpillar?
→ A worm in a fur coat!

What has stripes and pulls a tractor?
→ A caterpillar tractor!

What does a cat go to sleep on?
→ A caterpillow!

What's green and dangerous?
→ A caterpillar with a machine gun!

What pillar doesn't need holding up?
→ A caterpillar!

What does a lion brush his mane with?
→ A catacomb!

What noise does a cat make going down the highway?
→ Miaooooooooooooooooooow!

What do you get if cross a cat with a canary?
→ Shredded tweet!

Why do tomcats fight?
→ Because they like raising a stink!

Why is a crazy marmalade cat like a biscuit?
→ They are both ginger nuts!

What is white, sugary, has whiskers and floats on the sea?
→ A catameringue!

On what should you mount a statue of your cat?
→ A caterpillar!

What do you get if cross a Tomcat with a Pekingese?
→ A Peking Tom!