Animal Jokes

How do you know that owls are cleverer than chickens?
→ Have you ever heard of Kentucky-fried owl!

Which birds steal soap from the bath?
→ Robber ducks!

What kind of bird opens doors?
→ A kiwi!

What language do birds speak?
→ Pigeon English!

How do you get a parrot to talk properly?
→ Send him to polytechnic!

Where do birds invest their money?
→ In the stork market!

Where do blind sparrows go for treatment?
→ The Birds Eye counter!

What do you get if you cross a parrot with a woodpecker?
→ A bird that talks in morse code!

What do you call a woodpecker with no beak?
→ A headbanger!

What do parrots eat?
→ Polyfilla!

What do you give a sick bird?
→ Tweetment!

What bird tastes just like butter?
→ A stork!

What's another name for a clever duck?
→ A wise quacker!

Which bird is always out of breath?
→ A puffin!

What's got six legs and can fly long distances?
→ Three swallows!

What is a duck's favorite TV show?
→ The feather forecast!

What do you get if you cross a parrot with a shark?
→ A bird that will talk you ear off!

What do you call a crate of ducks?
→ A box of quackers!

Why did the owl, owl?
→ Because the woodpecker would peck 'er!

What is a polygon?
→ A dead parrot!

What flies through the jungle singing opera?
→ The parrots of Penzance!

What do you get if you cross a duck with a firework?
→ A firequaker!

What is a parrot's favorite game?
→ Hide and Speak!

Why did the parrot wear a raincoat?
→ Because she wanted to be a Polly unsaturated!

What did the gamekeeper say to the lord of the manor?
→ 'The pheasants are revolting'!

What is the definition of Robin?
→ A bird who steals!

When is the best time to buy budgies?
→ When they're going cheap!

Why did the queen bee kick out all of the other bees?
→ Because they kept droning on and on!

What do you call a bee born in May?
→ A maybe!

What kind of bee can't be understood?
→ A mumble bee!

Where do bees keep their money?
→ In a honey box!

What TV station do bees watch?
→ Bee bee c one!

What did the bee say to the naughty bee?
→ Bee-hive yourself!

Why did the bees go on strike?
→ Because they wanted more honey and shorter working flowers!

Why do bees have sticky hair?
→ Beacuse of the honey combs!

What is black and yellow and buzzes along at 30,000 feet?
→ A bee is an aeroplane!

Why do bees buzz?
→ Because they can't whistle!

Can bees fly in the rain?
→ Not without their little yellow jackets!

Why did the bee started talking poetry?
→ He was waxing lyrical!

What goes zzub, zzub?
→ A bee flying backwards!

What are the cleverest bees?
→ Spelling bees!

What bee is good for your health?
→ Vitamin bee!

What's a bees favorite novel?
→ The Great Gats-bee!

What do you get if you cross a bee with a door bell?
→ A hum dinger!

How many bees do you need in a bee choir?
→ A humdred!

What does a bee get at McDonalds?
→ A humburger!

What buzzes, is black and yellow and goes along the bottom of the sea?
→ A bee in a submarine!

What's more dangerous than being with a fool?
→ Fooling with a bee!

What did the spider say to the bee?
→ Your honey or your life!

Who is a bee's favorite painter?
→ Pablo Beecasso!

What did the bee to the other bee in summer?
→ Swarm here isn't it!

What is a bee's favorite classical music composer?
→ Bee-thoven!

Who writes books for little bees?
→ Bee-trix Potter!

Where do bees go on holiday?
→ Stingapore!

What do you call a bee who's had a spell put on him?
→ He's bee-witched!

What did the confused bee say?
→ To bee or not to bee!

What's black, yellow and covered in blackberries?
→ A bramble bee!

What do bees do if they want to use public transport?
→ Wait at a buzz stop!

What is the bees favorite film?
→ The Sting!

What goes hum-choo, hum choo?
→ A bee with a cold!

What's a bee-line?
→ The shortest distance between two buzz-stops!

What is a baby bee?
→ A little humbug!

What do bees chew?
→ Bumble gum!

What does a bee say before it stings you?
→ This is going to hurt me a lot more than it hurts you!

What kind of bee can keep an aeroplane dry?
→ An aero-drone!

Who is the bees favorite singer?
→ Sting!

Who is the bees favorite pop group?
→ The bee gees!

What do you get if you cross a bee with a skunk?
→ An animal that stinks and stings!

What does a queen bee do when she burps?
→ Issues a royal pardon!

How does a queen bee get around her hive?
→ She's throne!

What does the bee Santa Claus say?
→ Ho hum hum!

Why do bees hum?
→ Because they've forgotten the words!

What kind of bees hum and drop things?
→ A fumble bee!

What did the bee say to the flower?
→ Hello honey!

What's a bees favorite flower?
→ A bee-gonias!

How do you hire a teddy bear?
→ Put him on stilts!

What do you call a big white bear with a hole in his middle?
→ A polo bear!

Why do polo bears like bald men?
→ Because they have a great, white, bear place!

What do polo bears have for lunch?
→ Ice burger!

What's a teddy bears favorite pasta?
→ Tagliateddy!

What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
→ They both have 'the' as their middle names!

Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet?
→ It lives on ice!

Why shouldn't you take a bear to the zoo?
→ Because they'd rather go to the cinema!

What is a bear's favorite drink?
→ Koka-Koala!

Why was the little bear so spoiled?
→ Because its mother panda'd to its every whim!

What kind of money to polo bears use?
→ Ice lolly!

Have you ever hunted bear?
→ No, but I've been shooting in my shorts!

How do you start a teddy bear race?
→ Ready, teddy, go!

What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
→ A bear faced lyre!

Why do bears have fur coats?
→ Because they'd look stupid in anoraks!

What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
→ A teddy boar!

What should you call a bald teddy?
→ Fred bear!

What animal do you look like when you get into the bath?
→ A little bear!

What's yellow, comes from Peru, and is completely unknown?
→ Waterloo Bear, Paddington Bear's forgotten cousin!

What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
→ Winnie the Pooh!