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Just in case you think YOU are TC (technologically challenged), there's still hope:

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old (5-1/4") diskettes. After troubleshooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer had labeled the diskettes, then…

Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
→ He was looking for Pooh!

A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. "A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you…

It was the first day of school and a new student named Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said "Give me Liberty, or give me Death?" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Martinez, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775." "Very good! Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth'?" Again, no response except from Martinez: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863.", said Martinez. The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Martinez, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do." She heard a loud…

A boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to the youngster, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?" the man asked.

To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes," came the answer.

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he…

What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
→ It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"

Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

An honest 7-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class. "How did that happen?" gasped her mother.

"It wasn't easy," admitted her daughter, "but three girls helped me catch him."

A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She walked around to look at the artwork.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

What's the best form of birth control after 50?
→ Nudity

A father asked his 10 year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees. "I don't want to know!" the child said, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me."

Confused, the father asked what was wrong.

"Oh dad," the boy sobbed, "when I was 6 I got the there's no Santa speech. At 7, I got the there's no Easter Bunny speech. When I was 8, you hit me with the there's no Tooth Fairy' speech. If you tell me that grown-ups don't really fuck, I'll have nothing left to live for."

Little Johnny tried out for the school play. The teacher gave him these lines to practice: "Hark! A pistol shot! There lies a lady with hope in her soul. I think I'll snatch a kiss and run into the forest. By William Shakespeare."

Little Johnny practiced and practiced and did the lines perfectly every time. The night of the play it was his turn to speak. This is what he said: "Hark! A pigeon shit! There lies a lady with soap in her hole. I think I'll kiss her snatch and run into the forest. By William Snakeshit... Horseshit... Oh, shit! I didn't want to be in this damn play anyway!"

Little Johnny was sitting on the bench in the park.

Suzie comes along chomping on her bubblegum. Suzie asked, "You wanna play doctor?" Johnny replied, "NO, that too old fashioned. Spit out you gum, I wanna play president."

The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitive, bright as a new penny. When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help. One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc. "Now do you understand?" he asked. "I think so," she said, "is that when mommy came to work for us?"

A kindergartner was practicing spelling with magnetic letters on the refrigerator: cat, dog, dad, and mom had been proudly displayed for all to see. One morning while getting ready for the day, he bounded into the room with his arms outstretched. In his hands were three magnetic letters: G-O-D. "Look what I spelled, Mom!" with a proud smile on his face. "That's wonderful!" his mom praised him. "Now go put them on the fridge so Dad can see when he gets home tonight." The mom happily thought that her son's Catholic education was certainly having an impact. Just then, a little voice called from the kitchen: "Mom? How do you spell 'zilla'?"

- Kid: Teacher can I go to the bathroom?

- Teacher: You have to say your ABC's first

- Kid: Ok, a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j,k,l,m,n,o,q,r,s,t,u, v,w.x.y, and z

- Teacher: Where's the p?

- Kid: It's running down my leg!!

A first-grade class is having a game of Name That Animal.

The teacher held up a picture of a cat.

"What animal is this?" she asked. "A cat!" said Eddie.

"Good job! Now, what is this animal?"

"A dog!" said Eddie.

"Good! Now what animal is this?" she asked, holding up a picture of a Deer. The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said, "It's what your mom calls your dad."

"A horny bastard," called out Eddie.

A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing the letter "R," and all the other kids were, of course, teasing him about it. To help him out, the teacher gave him a sentence to practice at home: "Robert gave Richard a rap in the ribs for roasting the rabbit so rare."

In class a few days later, the teacher asked the boy to recite the sentence out loud. The boy nervously eyed his classmates -- many of them already laughing at him -- then replied, "Bob gave Dick a poke in the side because the bunny wasn't cooked enough."

Two children are in a doctor's waiting room, and one of them is crying. "Why are you crying?" asked the other child. "I'm here for a blood test, and they're going to cut my finger." When he heard this, the other child started to cry. "Why are you crying?" "I'm here for a urine test."

- Boy: Will you punish me for something I didn't do?

- Teacher: Of course not!

- Boy: Good, cause I didn't do my homework!

A kid at a sleep-away camp wrote home, "Please send me some food. All they serve here are meals."

A little boy is standing at the side of a river, weeping.

His tears are streaming down his cheeks.

An elderly lady passes by and feels pity for him.

"What is the matter, young boy? Why are you crying?"

"It's mean!", the boy sniffed, "My daddy drowned all four little kittens we had yesterday!"

"That's awful indeed!", the lady replied angrily, "Your father is a real bastard!"

"Yes", said the little boy, "He had promised to me that I could do it."

What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?
→ When you see teeth marks.

To stop her 4-year old daughter from biting her nails, her mother tells her it'll make her fat.

"I won't do it any more, Mom," says the daughter. Next day they are out walking when they meet a very fat man.

"If I bite my fingernails, I'll be as fat as that, won't I Mom?"

"You'll be fatter than that," says her mother. They get on a bus, and sitting opposite them is a very pregnant lady. The little girl can't take her eyes off the woman's belly. The pregnant lady feels increasingly uncomfortable under this stare, and finally leans forward and says to the little girl,

"Excuse me, but do you know me?" And the little girl says,

"No, but I know what you've been doing..."

One day a boy asks his dad, "What's the difference between a pussy and a cunt?" Dad thought for a minute and said, "Come with me."

He took his son to his mother's bedroom, where she was sleeping nude. "Son," he whispered, "see that brown soft furry patch? That is a pussy." The boy asked, "May I touch it to see how soft and furry it is?" "No!" replied his father. "That might wake up the cunt."