A little boy went into a baker's.
- How much are those cakes? - he asked.
- Two for 25 cents - said the baker.
- How much does one cost? - asked the boy.
- 13 cents - said the baker.
- Then I'll take the other one for 12 cents! - said the boy.
Did you hear about the two little boys who found themselves in a modern art gallery by mistake?
→ 'Quick,' said one, 'run! Before they say we did it!'
A man out for a walk came across a little boy pulling his cat's tail.
- Hey you! - he shouted.
- don't pull the cat's tail!
- I'm not pulling! - replied the little boy.
- I'm only holding on - the cat's pulling!
A little boy came downstairs crying late one night.
- What's wrong? - asked his mother.
- Do people really come from dust, like they said in church? - he sobbed.
- In a way they do - said his mother.
- And when they die do they turn back to dust?
- Yes, they do.
The little boy began to cry again:
- Well, under my bed there's someone either coming or going!
- What's the matter, son?
- The boy next door said I look just like you.
- What did you say?
- Nothing, he's bigger than me!
Did you hear about the boy who wanted to run away to the circus?
→ He ended up in a flea circus!
A little kid is sitting on a park bench eating a bag of chocolates. An old man walking by stops to say that if he continues to eat like that he won't live very long; indignantly the kid says:
- Oh yeah, my grandfather lived to be 104 years old.
The old man replies:
- I'm sure he did, kid, but it wasn't from eating all that chocolate.
- Oh no sir - says the kid.
- it was by minding his own business!
An honest seven-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class.
- How did that happen? - gasped her mother.
- It wasn't easy - admitted the young lady.
- but three girls helped me catch him!
Young Vestal was walking in his Florida backyard when an alligator bit him.
- Mama! - yelled the boy.
- A gator jus' bit off mah foot!
- Which one? - called his mother from inside the cabin.
- How the hell should Ah know?! - he shrieked.
- They all look alike to me!
- I had a funny dream last night, Mom.
- Did you?
- I dreamed I was awake, but when I woke up I found I was asleep.
A naughty child was irritating all the passengers on the flight from London to New York. At last one man could stand it no longer. "Hey kid," he shouted. "Why don't you go outside and play?"
- Fred: Where does the new kid come from?
- Harry: Alaska.
- Fred: Don't bother - I'll ask her myself.
- Mother: Did you get a good place in the geography test?
- Fred: Yes, Mum, I sat next to the cleverest kid in the class.
- Boy: Grandma, do you know how to croak.
- Grandma: No, I don't think so. Why?
- Boy: Because Daddy says he'll be a rich man when you do.
"What were you before you came to school, boys and girls?" asked the teacher, hoping that someone would say "babies." She was disappointed when all the children cried out, "Happy!"
Why was the mother flea feeling down in the dumps?
→ Because she thought her children were all going to the dogs.
Why was the lightning bug unhappy?
→ Because her children were not very bright.
Mrs Smith, the biology teacher, was very fond of fish. She was also rather deaf, which was great for the children in her class.
- What Mrs Smith needs - said one of her colleagues:
- is a herring-aid.
Tyler was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom.
So, Tyler raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused.
Of course, the teacher said yes, but asked Tyler to be quick.
Five minutes later Tyler returned, looking more desperate and embarrassed.
- I can't find it - he admitted.
The teacher sat Tyler down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked him if he will be able to find it now. Tyler looked at the diagram, said "yes" and goes on his way.
Well, five minutes later he returned to the class room and says to the teacher:
- I can't find it.
A little girl was playing in the garden when she spied two spiders mating.
- Daddy, what are those two spiders doing? - she asked.
- They're mating - her father replied.
- What do you call the spider on top, Daddy? - she asked.
- That's a daddy long legs - her father answered.
- So, the other one is a mommy long legs? - the little girl asked.
- No - her father replied.
- Both of them are daddy long legs.
The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat.
- Well, we're not having any of THAT in our garden.
Little Johnny came home from school with a note from his teacher saying that Johnny was having trouble telling the difference between boys and girls, and would his mother please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this. So Johnny's mother takes him quietly by the hand upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door.
- First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse - she said, so Johnny unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.
- O.K., now take off my skirt - and he takes off her skirt.
- Now take off my bra - which he does.
- And now, Johnny, please take off my panties.
Johnny finishes removing these too.
His mother then says:
- Johnny, please don't wear any of my clothes to school anymore!
A man is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the man moves closer to the boy's position.
He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder, leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring.
Crouching down to the childs level, the man smiles benevolently and asks:
- And now what, my little man?
The boy replies:
- Now we run!
On a special teacher's day, a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shooked it, held it over her head, and said:
- I bet I know what it is - flowers!
- That's right! - said the boy:
- but how did you know?
- Just a wild guess - she said.
The next pupil was the candy store owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shooked it, and said:
- I bet I can guess what it is - a box of candy!
- That's right! But how did you know? - asked the girl.
- Just a lucky guess - said the teacher.
The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son. The teacher held the bag over her head and noticed that it was leaking. She touched a drop of the…
A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp:
- Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?
As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks:
- Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?
She in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees,
leans forward and says in a quiet voice:
- I don't fink my pet python weally gives a thit.
A mother was teaching her 3-year-old the Lord's prayer. For several evenings at bedtime she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer. "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail, Amen."
