Clean Jokes

Why was the belt arrested?
→ Because it held up a pair of pants!

What does it mean when the flag is at half mast at the post office?
→ They're hiring.

What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
→ "Dam."

How do crazy people go through the forest?
→ They take the psycho path.

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the toilet too long?
→ Polaroids.

What do the letters D.N.A. stand for?
→ National Dyslexia Association.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
→ Nacho Cheese.

What do you call Santa's helpers?
→ Subordinate Clauses.

What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?
→ Quattro sinko.

What do you get from a pampered cow?
→ Spoiled milk.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
→ Frostbite.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
→ A nervous wreck.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
→ Anyone can roast beef.

Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
→ They all have phones.

What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
→ Sanka.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
→ Because they have big fingers.

What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a collie?
→ A dog that runs for help ... after it bites your leg off.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
→ A stick.

What kind of bunny drinks coffee?
→ Mugs bunny!

Why didn't the monster make the football team?
→ Because he threw like a ghoul!

Why did the chicken cross the playground?
→ To get to the other slide!

Why did the golfer wear 2 pairs of pants?
→ Just in case he got a hole-in-one!

A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries.

The boy opened a box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table.

"What are you doing?" his mother asked.

"The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the Boy explained, so "I'm looking for the seal!"

Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
→ They're afraid of flying off the handle!

Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
→ Dayscare centers.

Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
→ His ghoul friend.

What do ghosts serve for dessert?
→ I Scream.

What do witches put on their hair?
→ Scare spray.

What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
→ Bamboo.

What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
→ Boo boos.

Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep?
→ Because of his coffin.

Why do mummies make excellent spies?
→ They're good at keeping things under wraps.

Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?
→ Because everyone was a goblin!

How did the ghost patch his sheet?
→ With a pumpkin patch.

What is as sharp as a vampires fang?
→ His other fang.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
→ No eye deer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
→ Still no eye deer.

What gives milk and has one horn?
→ A milk truck!