Clean Jokes

What did the ghost eat at his birthday party?
→ I scream

What do you find up a clean nose?
→ Fingerprints

I love to sleep. It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious.

What did the digital clock say to his mother?
→ Look ma no hands!

What's the difference between a bird and a fly?
→ A bird can fly but a fly can't bird.

Birdie, birdie in the sky
Dropped some white stuff in my eye,
I'm a big girl I won't cry,
I'm just glad that cows don't fly.

What did one flea say to the other flea?
→ Shall we walk or take a dog?

What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective?
→ Santa Clues!

Father Christmas win a saucepan in a competition.
→ Now thats what you call pot luck!

What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday?
→ Freeze a jolly good fellow!

What do you call a man who claps at Christmas?
→ Santapplause!

Twinkle Twinkle chocolate bar
Santa drives a rusty car
Press the starter
Press the choke
Off he goes in a cloud of smoke!

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
→ Santa Jaws!

Why does Father Christmas like to work in the garden?
→ Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe!

Why is a cat on a beach like Christmas?
→ Because they both have "Sandy claws"!

What does Father Christmas call his money?
→ Iced lolly?

What's Father Christmas called when he takes a rest while delivering presents?
→ Santa pause!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Wenceslas

- Wenceslas who?

- Wenceslas train home?

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Snow

- Snow who?

- Snow business like show business!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Wayne

- Wayne who?

- Wayne in a manger...!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Donut

- Donut who?

- Donut open till Christmas!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Oakham

- Oakham who?

- Oakham all ye faithfull...!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Avery

- Avery who?

- Avery merry Christmas!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Holly

- Holly who?

- Holly-days are here again!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Rudolph

- Rudolph who?

- Money is the Rudolph of all evil!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Igloo

- Igloo who?

- Igloo Suzie like I knew Suzie...!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Mary

- Mary who?

- Mary Christmas!

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
→ It's Christmas, Eve!

How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day?
→ Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve!

What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month?
→ The letter "D"!

What does Father Christmas suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
→ Santa Claustrophobia!

What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve?
→ Black mail!

Who delievers cat's Christmas presents?
→ Santa Paws!

Why does Father Christmas go down the chimney?
→ Because it soots him!

Who delievers elephants's Christmas presents?
→ Elephanta Claus!

How many chimney does Father Christmas go down?
→ Stacks!

Why is Santa like a bear on Christmas Eve?
→ Because he's Sooty!