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A blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday decided to go ice fishing to make good use of her gift. Early the next morning, she got all her gear together and headed out to the ice.

When she reached her final destination, she cut a large hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said: "There are no fish in there".

So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole, but then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish in there.

So she moves again, and the voice tells her there are no fish in there. So she looks up and sees an irritated man staring down at her.

"How do you know there are no fish there?" asks the blonde.

During late spring one year, a blonde was trying out her new boat. She was unable to have her boat perform, travel through water, or do any maneuvers whatsoever no matter how hard she tried.

After trying for over three days to make it work properly, she decided to seek help. She putted the boat over to the local marina in hopes that someone there could identify her problem.

Workers determined that everything from the engine to the outdrive was working perfectly on the topside of the boat. So, a puzzled marina employee jumped into the water to check underneath the boat for problems. Because he was laughing so hard, he came up choking on water and gasping for air. Under the boat, still strapped…

Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN?
→ Because she didn't know which one came first!

How can you confuse a blonde?
→ Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.

How do blonde brain cells die?
→ Alone.

What did the blondes right leg say to her left leg?
→ Nothing, they never met.

Why did God create blondes?
→ Because sheep can't fetch a beer from the fridge.

A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, "Can you help me when you get home?"

"Sure," he replies. "What's the problem?"

"Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I can't even find the edge pieces."

"Look on the box," he said. "There's always a picture of what the puzzle is."

"It's a big rooster," she said.

The husband arrives home and tells his blonde wife, "Okay, put the corn flakes back in the box."

A blonde who's down on her luck is walking through a luxurious neighborhood looking for odd jobs to do when she approaches a large house. She goes up to the house, rings the bell and the owner comes to the door.

He asks the lady what he can do for her. The blonde tells him of her situation, that she is down on her luck and wants to know if he has any odd jobs that she could do. The man thinks about it for a second and then remembers that he has been wanting to paint his porch. He asks the blonde if she paints? The blonde says, "Sure anything." "Well, I've been wanting to paint my porch, how much would you charge?" the man replies.

"I don't know, say $50 bucks." "Sounds good. Go ahead and get…

Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

Suddenly the brunette yells, "Earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.

The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The redhead then screams, "Tornado!!"

Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution. By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did…

What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
→ Opens the car door.

How do blondes turn the light on after sex?
→ Kick open the car door.

Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
→ More leg room.

What do blondes say after sex?
→ "Are you boys all in the same band?"

Why is a blonde like a door knob?
→ Because everybody gets a turn.

There was a Blonde, a Brunette, and a Redhead standing on the beach. They had decided the previous evening whilst in the pub to try and swim the English channel. After some dicussion, they decided the quickest way would be to do the breast stroke, so off they set.

One day later the Redhead reached the French coast. Having lost sight of the other two swimmers just off the English coast she decided that they couldn't be far behind so sat on the beach looking out to sea waiting for the other two. After a cold night of waiting, the Brunette finally came into sight. "What took you so long?" inquired the Redhead.

"There were some strong currents out there! But I'm here now! Am I the last?" replied…

Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
→ You can park in the handicap zone.

What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment?
→ An IN-body experience!

What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
→ Humpme Dumpme.

How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
→ Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
→ It takes too long to retrain them.

What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
→ Gifted!

How do blonde braincells die?
→ Alone.

What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
→ Pregnant.

How do you brainwash a blonde?
→ Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
→ Artificial intelligence.

A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you." She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde." The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree.

The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How…

What's a blonde's favorite wine?
→ "Daddy! can I go to Miami!"

What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
→ She turned it over and used the other side.

How do you change a blonde's mind?
→ Blow in her ear.

What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
→ There are some things even a blonde won't do.

What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
→ She moved.

There was a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, who were all stranded on an island.

One day they found a genie and he said he would grant them three wishes.

All three of them agreed that each of them would get one wish each.

The brunette said, "I wish I was home in my bed and that this never happened.", and poof her wish was granted.

The redhead said, "I wish that I was at home in my bed and this never happened.", and poof her wish was granted.

Then the blond said, "I wish my friends were here with me."