A cargo plane is in mid-flight over the ocean when suddenly the cockpit door bursts open to reveal an armed, masked hijacker to a startled pilot, copilot, navigator, and a passenger. The passenger happens to be George W Bush. (Why? Maybe, he was on his way to check on the coca plant life in South America!) The masked gunman held a gun to the pilot's head and said, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill your…
RECOUNT DEMANDED BY METS
NEW YORK (AP) -- The New York Mets announced today that they are going to court to get an additional inning added to the end of Game 5 of the World Series. The batting, pitching, and bench coaches for the Mets held a press conference earlier today. They were joined by members of the Major League Players Union. "We meant to hit those pitches from the Yankee pitchers," said the Mets batting…
Noah's Ark...
If it happened in 2000
And the Lord spoke to Noah and said "In six months I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed.
But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on the planet. I am commanding you to build an Ark." And in a flash of lightning, He delivered the specifications for an Ark, "Okay," said Noah…
The Court of King George III
London, England
July 10, 1776
Mr. Thomas Jefferson
c/o The Continental Congress
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
A Press Release - WASHINGTON D.C. The House Appropriations subcommittee on NASA oversight, in another effort to reduce the NASA budget, passed a resolution today to downsize the solar system. According to an unnamed congressional staffer, House Republicans felt there has been "too much redundancy in the solar system" and that streamlining the 4.5 billion year old planetary system is long overdue. Such action would…
Twas the night before Christmas and throughout the White House, Al Gore was eyeing Hillary, peering into her blouse.
The Secret Service were guarding the premises with care, for a whole host of Democrats were vacationing there.
As Chelsea was nestled all snug in her bed, dirty thoughts swam around Mr. Kennedy's head.
And Bill in his sportcoat; a heavy gray tweed, had just fried his brain with some Mexican weed.
The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly…
And the Lord spoke to Noah and said: "In six months I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build Me an Ark."
And in a flash of lightning he delivered the specifications for an Ark. "OK," said Noah, trembling in fear and fumbling with the…
CLINTON DEPLOYS VOWELS TO BOSNIA
Cities of Sjlbvdnzv, Grzny to Be First Recipients
Before an emergency joint session of Congress yesterday, President Clinton announced US plans to deploy over 75,000 vowels to the war-torn region of Bosnia. The deployment, the largest of its kind in American history, will provide the region with the critically needed letters A,E,I,O and U, and is hoped to render countless Bosnian names…
Turmoil rocked Heaven this morning as allegations arose that God had had an affair with a former worshiper.
The scandal was begun when a 21 year old woman, known only as Mary, claimed that she had given birth to God's "only son" last week in a barn in the hamlet of Bethlehem.
Sources close to Mary claim that she "had loved God for a long time," that she was constantly talking about her relationship with God, and that…
