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What do you get when you cross a blonde with an ape?
→ A retarded ape.

A blonde walked into a doctor's office with a hole in her hand. The doctor told her that he had to report all gunshot wounds, and this was an obvious gunshot wound, so would she please explain how it happened?

The blonde said, "Well, to be honest with you, I was trying to commit suicide, so first I stuck the gun in my mouth, but thought, wait a minute, I just had all that bridge work done, and I don't want to ruin it. So, I pointed the gun between my eyes, and then thought, wait a minute, I just got a nose job not too long ago, and I don't want to ruin it! Then I pointed the gun at my heart, and thought, wait a minute, I just had these boobs done, and I don't want to ruin them! So then I…

What does a blond and a turtle have in common?
→ When they lay on their backs they're screwed!

One blonde to another...

- Have you ever read Shakespeare?

- No. Who wrote it?

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain.

"I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.

"Sorry we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

She hurried home, dyed her hair, came back again and told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

"Darn, he recognized me," she thought.

She went for a complete disguise this time. A new haircut and new color, a new outfit, and big sunglasses. Then she waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.

"Sorry we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"

Why was the female blonde confused whilst going to the ladies toilet??
→ She had to pull her own pants down

A blonde named Vikki decides she wants to try horseback riding one day. So Vikki mounts the horse, taps its butt, and the horse starts to take off at a reasonable speed. She is having fun, and decides she wants to go a little faster, so she kicks the horses butt, and the horse goes just a little faster. All of a sudden Vikki begins to lose her grip on the reigns of the horse and she begins to fall off, she starts screaming but the horse seemingly unoticing its rider continues... Now Vikki is grabbing on the horses mane when she beigns to feel tired and her grip starts to fail. The blond lets go of the horses mane, only to get her foot caught in the saddle. So now she is riding along, the…

This blond teenage dragged her boyfriend to the court on paternity issue.

The lawyer asked, "How long are you having a sexual relationship?"

"Years, I tell you years," she replied.

"That's no answer, you have to specify how long has he intimated with you."

"I don't know exactly, it's average, about six inches."

How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
→ The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

Which 3rd grader has the best body, the blonde, brunette or redhead?
→ The blonde - she is eighteen.

Why don't blondes use vibrators?
→ Because they are scared they might chip their teeth!!!

How do you know a blond has been using your computer?
→ When the joy stick is wet!

A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."

The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"

The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck.

He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."

"All right. How long do you need them?"

The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check."

After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."

What do you call a group of blondes on roller skates?
→ A mobile sperm bank.

What are the worst 3 years of a blondes life?
→ The 1st grade.

What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
→ Hey! There's some things even a blonde won't do.

What is six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy?
→ A hundred dollar bill.

How can you tell if a FAX was sent by a blonde?
→ It has a stamp on it.

A police officer arrives at an accident scene where apparently three blondes have leaped to their death from a very tall building... he suddenly notices that one is still breathing so he approaches her and asks: "why the hell did you three beautiful girls leap out of that building?"

The blond answers in a very weak voice: "we wanted to try out our new maxi-pads with wings"...

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor.

The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."

"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief.

"But. what happened to your other ear?"

"The son of a bitch called back."

What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill over her head?
→ All you can eat for under a buck.

What do you call a blonde standing on her head?
→ A brunette with bad breath!

What's the difference between a computer and a blonde?
→ The computer is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on.

Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. The first blonde said "These look like deer tracks." The other said, "No, they look like moose tracks." They argued and argued and were still arguing when the train hit them.

Two blondes were walking down the street. One noticed a compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up. She opened it, looked in the mirror, and said, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar."

"Let me look." said the other one. So she handed her the compact.

The second blonde looked in the mirror then turned to the first one.

"You dumbass -- that's ME!"