Two blondes were facing each other with a lake between them. The first blonde wants to get to the other side so she yells to the other blonde, "Hey! I want to get to the other side of the lake but I can't swim. Please tell me how you did this!"
The second blonde then says, "But you ARE on the other side!"
A blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked: "I don't want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their arms."
What did the dumb blond say to the large breasted waitress after reading her name tag?
→ What did you name the other one!!
Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger.
- Blonde #1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
- Blonde #2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!
This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when the blonde said to her boyfriend, "Is it true that if you pull you finger out, I'll sink?"
What about the blond guy whose wife gave birth to twins?
→ He wanted to know who the other man was...
On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES".
By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.
Why did the blonde go half way to Sweden and then turn around and come home?
→ It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was a television.
What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear?
→ Data transfer.
A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it".
Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes.
Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing.
She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow.
The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with Wal-Mart; now you can follow me over to K-Mart."
Why are blondes so easy to get into bed?
→ Who cares?
Why can't blondes water-ski?
→ When they get their crotch wet they think they have to lay down.
How do you know a blonde has just lost her virginity?
→ Her crayons are still sticky.
Why does a blonde have curtains on her PC?
→ To open windows
Three Blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for four hours they finally saw a sign that said "Disneyland -- "Left", so they turned around and went home.
A drunken blonde goes into a bar. The bartender asks her what she would like, and she replies, "Gimme a beer." The bartender then asks, "Anheuser-Busch?" To which she replies, "Fine thanks, and how's your cock?"
How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
→ Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.
And more on blondes...
But why do brunettes take the pill?
→ Wishful Thinking.
What does a blonde say after sex?
→ Thanks Guys.
What's the difference between a blond and a mosquito?
→ A mosquito stops sucking once you whack it.
(This joke requires the use a small visual. I'll describe the visual first, then as I tell the joke I'll cue you when to use it)
Visual: Stretch your arms straight out sideways with hands also stretched wide open.
Why did the blonde want to date Jesus?
→ She heard he was (use visual) HUNG LIKE THIS!!!!
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting.
The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver--"PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "SCARF!"
Why couldn't the blond pass her drivers test?
→ Every time the car stopped she jumped in the backseat.
How can you tell a blonde has been working on the computer?
→ There is white out on the screen
A blonde came running home to her mother, sobbing and hysterical.
"What's wrong?" her mum, (another blonde) asked.
"My boyfriend's just dropped me!" wailed the blonde.
Her mother nodded wisely and started to tell her all about the birds and the bees.
"No mum," the blonde interrupted. "You don't understand - I can fuck and suck with the best of them, but he says I can't cook!"
