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What kind of Bees make honey?
→ Honey Bees!

What kind of Bees make Milk?
→ BOOBIES!

Did you hear about the hooker that had her appendix taken out?
→ Now she does business on the side!

What is the difference between a golf ball and a g-spot?
→ A man will spend two hours searching for a golf ball.

A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening and reads:

Dear Wife (that's what he called her), I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary.

When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter waiting for him as follows:

Dear Husband (that's what she called him), I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Hilton Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year old toy boy. You being an accountant will therefore appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many many more times than 54 goes into 18!!!!

After their love-making session the young bride asks her husband:

- Was making love to me really the same as making love to Marilyn Monroe?

- Yes, she's dead too!

- Was making love to me really the same as making love to Marilyn Monroe?

- Yes, she's dead too!

Two old friends from the mountains ran into each other at the local bar. One said:

- Heard ya went to the big city Jeb.

His friend replied:

- Yep. Even tried me out one of those 'loose women' ya always hear about.

- You don't say - said the first man.

- Bet that was costly.

- Nope.

Jeb smirked.

- Kinfolk.

Where does Peter Pan eat?
→ Wendy's

Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
→ Just when it's getting interesting they are finished until next time...

Why do Black widow spiders kill their mates after mating?
→ To stop the snoring before it starts..

Why do they put strings on tampons?
→ So you can floss after you eat!

What's the difference between white onions, brown onions and a 30 centimeter dick?
→ Nothing.... They all make your eyes water.

What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball???
→ She choked...

Why is a joke like pussy?
→ Neither's any good if you don't get it.

ring ring

- Hello?

Hearing only heavy breathing on the line, the woman repeated:

- Hello?

- I'll bet you want me to come into your bedroom - a male voice whispered huskily.

- ...undress you, lick you from head to toe and make love to you until morning.

- Geez - the woman replied.

- you can tell all that from two hello's?

What's the definition of a virgin?
→ An ugly third grader.

How is pubic hair like parsley?
→ You push it to the side before you start eating.

After working for years, a hooker finally retired and, being afraid of spending the rest of her life alone, she decided to marry. She had been with so many perverted men over the years that she felt she needed a change and would only get one by marrying a virgin male near her age.

She took out ads in newspapers around the world seeking a male virgin who was 55 years old. She finally narrowed her choice to an Australian computer programmer.

After a thorough background check, she was satisfied that he had indeed never been with a woman and they were married. On their wedding night, she went into the bathroom to change into her nightie.

When she came back out, she found that her new husband had…

A man comes to a doctor and, twitching his fingers and stuttering, finally manages to say:

- Doctor, I have a sexual performance problem. Can you help me?

- Oh, that's not a problem for us men anymore! - announces a proud physician.

- They just came out with this new wonder drug, Viagra, that does the trick! You take some pills, and your problems are history.

So the doctor gives the man a prescription and sends him on his merry way.

A couple of months later, the doctor runs into his patient on the street.

- Doctor, Doctor! - exclaims the man excitedly.

- I've got to thank you! This drug is a miracle! It's wonderful! I've had sex fourteen times in eight days!

What's the difference between mayonnaise and sperm?
→ Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back of a girl's throat at 40 mph.

There were 2 old-maid sisters... both virgins. It's Friday night and Gladys looks at Betty and says:

- I'm not going to die a virgin... I'm going out and I'm not coming home 'til I've been laid!!

Betty says:

- Well, make sure you're home by 10 so I don't worry about you.

10 o'clock rolls around and there's no sign of Gladys... 11 o'clock... 12 o'clock... Finally about 15 after 1 the front door flies open. In runs Gladys... straight to the bathroom.

Betty goes and knocks on the door:

- Are you okay, Gladys??

No answer, so she opens the door and there sits Gladys with her panties around her ankles, legs spread, and her head stuck between her legs looking at herself.

During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table.

- Doctor, I just can't undress in front of you.

- All right, I'll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you're through.

In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness:

- Doctor, I've undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?

- Put them on the chair, on top of mine.

A college couple is under a tree on campus making out. After a while, the girl says:

- I wish you had a flashlight.

He says:

- Why's that?

She says:

- Because you've been eating grass for fifteen minutes.

A furrier from the US goes to Helsinki to buy furs.

He arranges for a hooker to be sent to his room.

When they're done, he said:

- I'm afraid my Finnish isn't too good.

The hooker replied:

- Your foreplay ain't all that hot either.

What's the difference between Bill Clinton and the Titanic??
→ It is known how many went down on the Titanic.

A Girl Scout troop leader suddenly came upon a clearing where a young couple was engaged in oral sex.

- Back ladies, back! - cried the leader.

- There's a very dangerous beast out there!

But it was too late, as several of her girls had more-or-less seen the deed happening. They asked their leader what it was the couple was doing.

- Well, err.... if you must know, uh, they were practicing a brand new form of artificial respiration... yeah, that's it, it's artificial respiration!

- WOW! - exclaimed the oldest of the group.

- I know which merit badge I'm gonna try for next!