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The 1982 Israeli invasion of Lebanon resulted in many dogfights between Syrian and Israeli jet fighters.

In the end, the Syrians lost over 80 planes and had a number of SAM batteries knocked out, while the Israelis lost no planes.

Sometime later, the Syrian Defense Minister was shopping for weapons in Moscow.

His host, the Soviet Defense Minister, was embarrassed about the scorecard from Lebanon.

He told his Syrian guest:

- Take anything you want - our best tanks, rifles, or surface-to-air missiles.

- No, no - you don't understand! - the Syrian replied.

- Last time you gave us surface-to-air missiles. This time we need surface-to-jet missiles!

The 1982 Israeli invasion of Lebanon resulted in many dogfights between Syrian and Israeli jet fighters.

In the end, the Syrians lost over 80 planes and had a number of SAM batteries knocked out, while the Israelis lost no planes.

Sometime later, the Syrian Defense Minister was shopping for weapons in Moscow.

His host, the Soviet Defense Minister, was embarrassed about the scorecard from Lebanon.

He told his Syrian guest:

- Take anything you want - our best tanks, rifles, or surface-to-air missiles.

- No, no - you don't understand! - the Syrian replied.

- Last time you gave us surface-to-air missiles. This time we need surface-to-jet missiles!

Top Ways The Army Is Trying To Boost Recruiting

8. Military transport flights now earn you Delta frequent flier miles
9. Where else can you shoot guns and get awakened in the middle of the night by loud explosions besides New York, Chicago and Detroit?
10. Get rid of all those creepy "Richard Simmons Wants You" posters
11. Intelligence spy satellite may be used to watch television 24 hours a day
12. Superiors may now be addressed as "Dude"
13. Make it so every hand grenade has a creamy nougat center
14. Next mission: all-out invasion of Temptation Island
15. New slogan "Army of One" replaces "Hope You Like Scrubbing Latrines!"

The following is supposedly a true story relating a situation that actually occurred in Los Angeles.

The Marines were backing-up LAPD on a call that someone had broken into a store.

At the scene, the cop told the Marines to "cover" him as he approched the store (to police, "cover" means to point your weapons in the direction of the threat, to Marines it means lay down a base of fire!).

The Marines promptly laid down a base of fire. The Marines fired 178 rounds before they stopped shooting.

The thief, probably a little scared at this point, called 911 and reported:

- They're shooting at me!.

An Indian chief is driving his Cadillac somewhere at Nevada. Suddenly his car gets broken. He examines it, and reveals that a technician must be called. But the chief has only $4, and no credit card (unfortunately B-) ). So he gathers some wood, makes a fire and signals his tribe with its smoke: "Hey, send somebody to my location with $500!" The tribe accepts this signal, but to make sure in its meaning, signals back - once again, with the smoke: "OK, chief, but why so much ?" At this moment a ground test of nuclear bomb is being held on the test field nearby. A huge mushroom-like cloud of smoke rises into the sky... The tribe signals: "Ok, Ok, chief, we just wondered, why to be so angry?"

- First soldier: Pass me the chocolate pudding, would you?

- Second soldier: No way, Jose!

- First soldier: Whyever not?

- Second soldier: It's against regulations to help another soldier to dessert!

As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, "All right! All you dummies fall out." As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. I smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh sir?"

Flash - New Weapon in America's Arsenal - Dubbed 'The Chicken Gun'

Senate majority leader Howard H. Baker Jr., expressed astonishment to the Senate, over recent news accounts of an Air Force "chicken gun."

It seems the gun is a converted 20-foot cannon capable of hurling dead four-pound chickens at airplanes at 700 miles per hour ... The armament is used to help find ways to reduce accidents caused by jets hitting birds.

- My first reaction to this story was one of bitterness - Baker told colleagues.

- I wonder why a 'special classified briefing' had not been set up for members of Congress on the new chicken gun and I wondered if Secretary of Defense Casper Weinberger was planning one.

You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?" Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.

By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a…

The soldier serving in Hong Kong was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back.

He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying:

- I regret to inform you that I cannot remember which one is you -- please keep your photo and return the others.

A British General had sent some of his men off to fight for their country in the Falkland Island Crisis.

Upon returning to England from the South American island, three soldiers that had distinguished themselves in battle were summoned to the General's office. "Since we weren't actually at war," the General began, "I can't give out any medals. We did, however, want to let each of you know your efforts were appreciated.

What we've decided to do is to let each of you choose two points on your body. You will be given two pounds sterling for each inch of distance between those parts. We'll start on the left, boys, so what'll it be?"

- Soldier 1: The tip of me head to me toes, sahr!

It was a dark, stormy, night. The Marine was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty.

A General stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous young Private snapped to attention, made a perfect salute, and snapped out:

- Sir, Good Evening, Sir!

The General, out for some relaxation, returned the salute and said:

- Good evening soldier, nice night, isn't it?

Well it wasn't a nice night, but the Private wasn't going to disagree with the General, so the he saluted again and replied:

- Sir, Yes Sir!.

The General continued:

- You know there's something about a stormy night that I find soothing, it's really relaxing. Don't you agree?

The Private didn't agree, but them the private was just a…

General McKenzie was in charge of the Navy, and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. McKenzie arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and McKensie asks:

- So how are your men?

- Very well trained, Gral. McKenzie.

- I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they're the bravest men all over the country.

- Well, my men are very brave, too.

- I'd like to see that.

So Marshall calls private Cooper and says:

- Private Johnson! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!

- Are you crazy? It'd kill me, you idiot! I'm out of here!

Two men were boasting to each other about their old army days.

- Why, my outfit was so well drilled - declared one.

- that when they presented arms all you could hear was slap, slap, click.

- Very good - conceded the other.

- but when my company presented arms you'd just hear slap, slap, jingle.

- What was the jingle? - asked the first.

- Oh - replied the other offhand.

- just our medals.

The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. He directed a nearby Air Force base that will be opened and that all eligible young men and women be invited. As he and his staff were standing near a brand new F-15 Fighter, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them.

The chief of staff walked up to them, stuck out his hand and introduced himself. He looked at the first young man and asked:

- Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?

The young man looks at him and says:

- I'm a pilot!

This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995.

Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations on November 10, 1995.

- Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

- Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

- Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

- Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

- Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS…

The General went out to find that none of his G.I.s were there. One finally ran up, panting heavily:

- Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here.

The General was very skeptical about this explanation but at least he was here so he let the G.I. go.

Moments later, eight more G.I.s came up to the general panting, he asked them why they were late:

- Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10…

An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass. The CO says:

- Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!

So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank! The CO was so impressed, he asked:

- How did you do it?

- Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier:

- Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!

The Captain called the Sergeant in.

- Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me.

So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops.

- Listen up, men - says the Sergeant.

- Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander.

Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office.

- Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?

- Yes, sir - answered the Sarge.

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living:

- Tim, you be first. What does your mother do all day?

Tim stood up and proudly said:

- She's a doctor.

- That's wonderful. How about you, Amy?

Amy shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said:

- My father is a mailman.

- Thank you, Amy - said the teacher.

- What does your parent do, Billy?

Billy proudly stood up and announced:

Ten things to do with a graduate Economics textbook:

1. Press pretty flowers.
2. Press pretty insects.
3. Use it as paper weight on your already overcluttered desk.
4. Leave out in obvious places to impress uninformed undergraduates.
5. Mail to the White House as an intimidation tactic.
6. Give it a walk-on part in a boring European existentialist play.
7. Just throw the lousy thing away.
8. Leave out for the rain and other forces of nature to reckon with.
9. Read it, and weep.

There is also a joke about the last Mayday parade in the Soviet Union.

After the tanks and the troops and the planes and the missiles rolled by there came ten men dressed in black.

- Are they Spies? - Asked Gorby?

- They are economists - replies the KGB director.

- imagine the havoc they will wreak when we set them loose on the Americans

Economic computer viruses:

- INTEREST GROUP ECONOMIST VIRUS - Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.

- ECONOMETRICIAN VIRUS - Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).

- POLITICAL THINK TANK ECONOMIST VIRUS - Doesn't do anything, but you can't get rid of it until next election.

- GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS - nothing works on your system, but all your diagnostic software says everything is just fine.

- MARXIAN ECONOMIST VIRUS - Helps your computer shut down whenever it wants to.

An econometrician and an astrologer are arguing about their subjects.

The astrologer says:

- Astrology is more scientific. My predictions come out right half the time. Yours can't even reach that proportion.

The econometrician replies:

- That's because of external shocks. Stars don't have those.

- Dinosaur #1: How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

- Dinosaur #2: What is an economist?

- Dinosaur #1: A flunkie mathematician who tries to predict the population of kangaroos in Australia. But that's not important and don't ask what a Kangaroo is.

- Dinosaur #2: I don't know, how many?

- Dinosaur #1: 10 economists and one grad student. One economist to make a model, one to run the regression, one to test the hypothesis, one to interpret the results, one to conclude how to screw it on, one grad student to screw it on, and five economists trying to fight off the dinosaurs trying to eat them.