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What happened when the man asked the salesman for a good belt?
→ "O.K., you asked for it," the salesman said as he gave him a good belt.

A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double take. He recognizes that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.

The storeowner replies "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale."

The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat."

And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat.

The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a…

What does a carpet salesman give his wife for Valentine's Day?
→ Rugs and kisses!

- What does your Dad sell?

- Salt.

- Well, my dad is a salt seller, too.

- Shake.

- Customer: You said these pants were pure wool, but the label says "all cotton."

- Salesman: Oh, that's just to keep the moths away.

- Salesman: Would you like to buy a pocket calculator?

- Customer: No, thanks. I know how many pockets I have.

- Salesman: This jug is genuine Indian pottery.

- Customer: But it says "Made in Cleveland."

- Salesman: Haven't you ever heard of the Cleveland Indians?

- Salesman: That suit looks nice. It fits like a bandage.

- Customer: Thanks. I bought it by accident.

- Policeman: Why didn't you check your speedometer?

- Driver: It broke when I hit 100.

An inexperienced real estate salesman asked his boss if he could refund the deposit to an angry customer who had discovered that the lot he had bought was under water.

"What kind of salesman are you?" the boss scolded. "Get out there and sell him a boat."

The top toothbrush salesman at the company was asked by his boss how he managed to sell so many brushes. He replied "It's easy" and he pulled out his card table, setting his display of brushes on top. He told his boss, "I lay the brushes out like this, and then I put out some potato chips and dip to draw in the customers." He laid out his chips and dip. His boss said, "That's a very innovative approach" and took one of the chips, dipped it, and stuck it in his mouth. "Yuck, this tastes terrible!" his boss yelled. The salesman replied "IT IS! Want to buy a toothbrush?"

One day Mikey was sitting in his apartment when his doorbell unexpectedly rang. He answered the door and found a salesman standing on his porch with a strange object.

"What is that?" Mikey asked. "It's a thermos," the salesman replied. "What does it do?" asked Mikey. "This baby," the salesman said, "keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."

After some deliberation Mikey bought one, deciding it would really help his lunch situation. The next day he arrived at the plant where he works. Sure enough, all the other employees were curious about his new object. "What is it?" they asked.

"It's a thermos," Mikey replied.

"What does it do?" they asked.

- Salesman: Roll up, roll up! Come to our mammoth sale. Mammoth bargains to be had in our mammoth sale.

- Customer: Forget it! No one round here's got room in their houses for a mammoth.

"No, no, no!" said the enraged businessman to the persistent salesman. "I cannot see you today!" "That's fine," said the salesman, "I'm selling spectacles."

- Doctor, you have to help me stop talking to myself.

- Why is that?

- I'm a salesman and I keep selling myself things I don't want.

Had a door-to-door salesman call one time selling of all things -- burial plots. I told him that we already had our plots in another cemetery.

He seemed uncertain as to what to say next, but he recovered to say politely, "I hope you'll be very happy there."

A woman was shopping in a fairly nice dress store. Trying on a dress and liking it, she asked the salesman the price. When he told her she launched into a tirade about prices these days, covering just about everything from housing to auto tires.

After ten minutes or so, the salesman had obviously had enuff and said, "My dear lady. If the cost of living is so high and obviously so offensive to you, why do you bother?"

A policeman came upon a super-salesman about to jump from a bridge and yelled, "Wait, Fellow! Please don't do that!!!"

The salesman said, "Why not?" and proceeded to expound on his views on the shaky economy, declining family life and Clinton politics.

Shortly thereafter, they both jumped.

An insurance salesman was getting nowhere in his efforts to sell a policy to a farmer. "Look at it this way sir." he said finally. "How would your wife carry on if you should die?"

"Well..." drawled the weather-beaten man, "I don't reckon that'd be any concern of mine -- long as she behaves herself while I'm alive."

The couple was standing staring at one of the more expensive models in the auto showroom. A salesman sensing their debate over the price moved in and said, "This model is priced just over the car which is priced a few dollars above the car which costs no more than some models of the lowest priced cars."

Insurance agent to would-be client: "Don't let me frighten you into a hasty decision. Sleep on it tonite. If you wake in the morning, give me a call then and let me know."

A traveling salesman was held up by a bad storm in the Hawaiian Islands. He sent an e-mail to his corporate headquarters advising them that he was stranded for a few days and requested instructions.

The reply came back shortly: "Begin vacation as of yesterday."

The out-of-work newlywed took a temporary job as a vacuum cleaner salesman to make ends meet. After 3 days of intensive training, the sales manager told him to go home and practice his pitch on his wife.

The next morning, the manager asked the novice how he made out.

"Well," the man began, "I did what you said, and after I finished, I asked her if she would buy the vacuum cleaner from me. She said 'Yes.' Then I asked her 'why?' She replied, 'Because I love you'."

A door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman manages to bull his way into a woman's home in a rural area.

"This machine is the best ever," he exclaims, whilst pouring a bag of dirt over the lounge floor.

The woman says she's really worried it may not all come off, so the salesman says, "If this machine doesn't remove all the dust completely, I'll lick it off myself."

"Do you want ketchup on it?" she says, "we're not connected for electricity yet!"

How can you tell when a salesperson is lying?
→ His lips are moving.