Latest

- Teacher: This is the third time I've had to tell you off this week, what have you got to say about that?

- Pupil: Thank heavens it's Friday!

- Mother: What did you learn in school today

- Son: How to write

- Mother: What did you write?

- Son: I don't know, they haven't taught us how to read yet!

An ideal homework excuse

- Teacher: Where is your homework?

- Pupil: Our furnace stopped working and we had to burn it to stop ourselves from freezing

- Teacher: Can anyone tell me how many seconds there are in a year?

- Pupil: 12 - 2nd January, 2nd February...!

An ideal homework excuse

- Teacher: Where is your homework?

- Pupil: I loaned it to a friend, but he suddenly moved away

An ideal homework excuse

- Teacher: Where is your homework?

- Pupil: Some aliens from outer space borrowed it so they could study how the human brain worked

Bad timing for an excuse

- Teacher: Why were you late?

- Pupil: Sorry, teacher, I overslept.

- Teacher: It's three in the afternoon!

An ideal homework excuse

- Teacher: Where is your homework?

- Pupil: My little sister ate it!

An ideal homework excuse

- Teacher: Where is your homework?

- Pupil: I didn't do it because I didn't want to add to your already heavy workload.

An ideal homework excuse

- Teacher: Where is your homework?

- Pupil: I left it in my shirt and my mother put it in the washing machine

- Teacher: You missed school yesterday didn't you?

- Pupil: Not very much!

- Teacher: When you yawn, your supposed to put your hand to your mouth!

- Pupil: What?, and get bitten!

- Teacher: What's big and yellow and comes in the morning to brighten a mothers day?

- Pupil: The school bus!

- Mother: What was the first thing you learned in class?

- Daughter: How to talk without moving my lips!

- Pupil: My teacher was mad with me because I didn't know where the Rockies were.

- Mother: Well next time remember where you put things!

- Teacher: When was Rome built?

- Pupil: At night.

- Teacher: Why did you say that?

- Pupil: Because my Dad always says that Rome wasn't built in a day!

- Father: I hear you skipped school to play football

- Son: No I didn't, and I have the fish to prove it!

- Pupil (on phone): My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today.

- School Secretary: Who is this?

- Pupil: This is my father speaking!

- Teacher: You're new here aren't you, what's your name?

- Pupil: Fred Mickey Smith

- Teacher: Why is the Mississippi such an unusual river?

- Pupil: Because it has four eyes and can't see!

- Teacher: Are you good at math?

- Pupil: Yes and no

- Teacher: What do you mean?

- Pupil: Yes, I'm no good at math!

- I failed every subject except for algebra.

- How did you keep from failing that?

- I didn't take algebra!

- Teacher: I'll call you Fred Smith then.

- Pupil: My dad won't like that.

- Teacher: Why is that?

- Pupil: He doesn't like people taking the Mickey out of my name!

- Son: I can't go to school today.

- Father: Why not?

- Son: I don't feel well

- Teacher: Where don't you feel well?

- Son: In school!

- Teacher: What are the Great Plains?

- Pupil: 747, Concorde and F-16!