A salesman who was out on his territory had a heart attack in his motel room and died. The motel manager called the salesman's company and related the tragedy to the sales manager.
The sales manager received the news in a nonchalant manner and told the motel manager, "Return his samples by freight and search his pants for orders."
An American tourist was lunching in a restaurant in China where the specialty was duck. The waiter explained each dish as he brought it to the table. "This is the breast of the duck; this the leg of the duck; this is the wing of the duck; etc."
Then came the dish that the American knew was chicken. He waited for the explanation.
Silence. "Well?" he finally asked, "What's this?" The waiter replied, "It's a friend of duck."
Sign at restaurant reads:
Eat here diet home
A man and his girlfriend were out to dinner one night. The waiter tells them the night's special is chicken almondine and fresh fish.
"The chicken sounds good; I'll have that," the woman says.
The waiter nods. "And the vegetable?" he asks.
"Oh, he'll have the fish," she replies.
What did one plate say to the other plate?
→ Lunch is on me!
- Waiter, waiter, does the pianist play requests?
- Yes, sir.
- Then ask him to play tiddlywinks until I've finished my meal.
There was an awful fight at the seafood restaurant.
Four fish got battered!
The headwaiter of an elegant restaurant recoiled in disgust as a man in boots, torn jeans and a leather jacket approached him. "Hey, man," he said, "where's the toilet?"
"Go down the hall and turn left," replied the headwaiter. "When you see the sign marked 'Gentlemen; pay no attention to it and go right on in."
Young woman sat down in small restaurant, a waitress came over to take her order.
"I'll have a hamburger please."
"Burger!" she yelled over her shoulder. Then woman added.
"Make that well done."
Waitres turned away again.
"Torture it!" she yelled.
- Is your food spicy Sir?
- No, smoke always comes out of my ears!
- What's the matter with your dinner?
- Can you describe it for me please in case I need to tell my doctor later what I've eaten!
A out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist season decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd enjoyed on a previous trip to the city. Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said, "You know, it's been over five years since I first came in here."
"You'll have to wait your turn, sir," replied the harried and now irritated waiter, "I can only serve one table at a time."
Two little boys were visiting their grandfather and he took them to a restaurant for lunch. They couldn't make up their minds about what they wanted to eat.
Finally the grandfather grinned at the server and said, "Just bring them bread and water."
One of the little boys looked up and quavered, "Can I have ketchup on it?"
- Waiter, what is this bug doing on my wives shoulder!
- I don't know - friendly thing isn't he!
At which fast food restaurant is a hamburger happiest?
→ Arthur Treacher's Fish and Chips!
Once a man went to a resturant and ordered an egg. When it was brought he didn't liked it so he informed the waiter that the egg was bad.
Came the reply:
"I don't lay egg sir I just lay table!"
- Hello? Fred's Restaurant.
- Hello! I'd like to know, do you serve crabs?
- We serve anyone, sir! Come on in!
What does a Chinese restaurant serve for Easter?
→ Coloured eggrolls!
- Girl: How much is a soft drink?
- Waitress: Fifty cents.
- Girl: How much is refill?
- Waitress: The first is free.
- Girl: Well then, I'll have a refill.
Have you ever seen a man-eating tiger?
→ No, but in the restaurant next door I once saw a man eating chicken!
I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time." So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Eulus stood in front of the take-out window of a Rawl-ins fast food restaurant. "I want two hamburgers," he said. "One with onions, and one without."
The counter man: "Okay. Which one's without the onions?"
- Patron 1: I eat at a different restaurant every day.
- Patron 2: I don't tip, either.
"Can I have some two-handed cheese, please?" a man in a restaurant asked the waiter.
"What do you mean, 'two-handed cheese'?" asked the waiter.
"You know, the kind you eat with one hand and hold your nose with the other."
At our local restaurant you can eat dirt cheap - but who wants to eat dirt?
