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What's Clinton's favorite baseball team?
→ The Dodgers.

How can you tell when Clinton is ready for battle [in Bosnia]?
→ He's got his jogging suit on.

What does Clinton do to lose weight?
→ Runs away from the draft.

What do Bill Clinton and a fifteen-watt light bulb have in common?
→ Neither one is very bright.

How can you tell when Bill Clinton is telling a lie by looking at his face?
→ If his lips are moving, then he's lying.

How can you tell when Bill Clinton is lying?
→ Only a Bill Clinton supporter is too dumb to know the answer to this one.

How did Bill and Hillary Clinton meet?
→ They were dating the same girl in high school.

Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch.
As they read the menu the waitress comes over and askes Clinton:

- Are you ready to order?

Clinton replies:

- Yes, I'd like a quickie.

- A quickie?!? - the waitress replies.

- Sir, given the current situation of your personal life I don't think that is a good idea.

I'll come back when you are ready to order from the menu.
She walks away.
Gore leans over to Clinton and says:

What does Teddy Kennedy have that Bill Clinton wishes he did?
→ A dead girlfriend.

What were Bill and Chelsea Clinton doing in the voting booth?
→ Bill was giving his daughter a lesson in Civics, how to ruin the people!

Why are people in Arkansas having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year?
→ They've been having turkey for years.

Why are people in Arkansas having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year?
→ Reagan ate all the jellybeans.

Why are people in Arkansas having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year?
→ Because they can't afford any more pork.

Why are people in Arkansas having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year?
→ Because they're sending their turkey to the White House!

How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ He doesn't! He whines a while, says "I feel your pain", and gets congress to pass a billion dollar light security bill, and blames Republicans and special interests for not making lightbulbs free.

How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ None--He'll only promise "change."

How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ Two--One to promise he'll do it better than anyone else and one to obscure the issues.

How can you tell Bill Clinton from a bunch of dead bodies?
→ He's the stiff one.

What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa as they were looking out their front window?
→ "Looks like rein dear"

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
→ You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

Why does Santa Claus only have seven reindeer?
→ Because Prancer moved in with a hairdresser in Beverly Hills.

Did you hear that one of Santa's reindeer now works for Proctor and Gamble?
Its true....

Comet cleans sinks!

Why is it so cold at Christmas?
→ It's in Decembrrrrr.

Who brings the Christmas presents to police stations?
→ Santa Clues.

What's the most popular wine at Christmas?
→ I don't like sprouts!