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Why did Clinton choose Canada as the site for his summit with Yeltsin?
→ So he could look up some college buddies who moved up there during the war.

What is the difference between Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter?
→ Jimmy Carter waited until after the inauguration to break his promises.

What's the best place to photograph Clinton Administration officials?
→ A police lineup.

What Biblical and Renaissance characters does Hillary most resemble?
→ Jezebel and Lucretia Borgia.

What kind of jewelry does Hillary look best in?
→ Handcuffs.

What kind of neckwear does Hillary Clinton look best in?
→ A noose.

What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Joseph Stalin?
→ Some of Stalin's subjects admired him.

How many Clinton White House officials does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ None. They like to keep him in the dark!

Bill Clinton is writing his memoirs.

They're called "The Johnson Years".

What is Clinton's plan to create thousands of small businesses?
→ Take thousands of big businesses and wait four years.

How many Clinton administration officials does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Two--one to screw the bulb into the water faucet while the other tells us that everything possible is being done to help the situation.

Why does the secret service guard Hillary so closely?
→ Because if something happens to her, Bill becomes President!

Did you hear Chrysler is introducing a new car to commemorate President Clinton's election?
→ It's gonna be called the Dodge Drafter!

What happened when Bill Clinton got a shot of testosterone?
→ He turned into Hillary!

What do Clinton and JFK have in common?
→ They haven't had any brains for the last thirty years.

Why did Bill and Hillary send Chelsea to a private school?
→ If they sent her to a public school, the secret service would be out-gunned!

Why does Chelsea look so stupid and ugly?
→ Heredity.

Why is Bill Clinton diverting federal funds from improving schools to improving jails?
→ Because when his term is through, he won't be going to school.

If Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Al Gore, and Tipper took a boat ride and the boat capsized, who would be saved?
→ The United States of America!

How did Bill Clinton get a crick in his neck?
→ Trying to save both faces.

If Bill and Hillary jumped together off the Washington monument, who'd land first?
→ Who cares!

Why is Bill Clinton's economic plan called positively atheist?
→ Because it hasn't got a prayer.

Why is Bill Clinton called "middle of the road Democrat"?
→ Because he's got a wide yellow stripe down the middle of his two-lane back.

Did you hear that the Clinton's had Air Force 1 remodeled?
→ Now it's got two left wings.

During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news:

- There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year.

Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her question:

- Will I be acquitted?