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What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?
→ Crisp Cringle.

Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
→ Because he had low elf esteem.

Why did your boyfriend return his Christmas tie?
→ He said it was too tight.

It was Christmas eve, and Santa was really busy making his list and checking it twice, when there came a knock at the door. His wife comes in:

- Honey, where do you want me to put your boots and gloves?

Well, Santa is very busy and so he's slightly annoyed by this trivial question, so he snaps at her:

- Put them by the front door, and stop bothering me. I'm trying to get some work done.

He starts back to work, but a few minutes later an elf barges in:

- Santa, we got all the toys wrapped, what should we do with them?

Santa snaps:

- Stick 'em in the sleigh! Can't you see I'm trying to get ready? I don't want any more interruptions!

But sure enough, as soon as he starts back to work, there is another…

What was so good about he neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas?
→ It was wound up already.

What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?
→ Forty feet of track - all straight!

What is the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
→ The Christmas alphabet has NO EL.

Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
→ Because he had low elf esteem.

How does Santa Claus take pictures?
→ With his North Pole-aroid.

What does Santa say when he is sick?
→ OH OH NO!

What is the cow's holiday greeting?
→ Mooooory Christmas!

Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners the most?
→ "Rude"olph

Who sings "Love me tender", and makes Christmas toys?
→ Santa's little Elvis.

How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
→ Fleece Navidad!

What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve?
→ Okay everyone, sack time!!

What did the ghosts say to Santa Claus?
→ We'll have a boo Christmas without you.

What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?
→ Crisp Cringle.

Why does Santa's sled get such good mileage?
→ Because it has long-distance runners on each side.

If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called?
→ A subordinate claus.

What nationality is Santa Claus?
→ North Polish.

- Elf: Santa, one of the reindeer swallowed my pencil! What should I do?

- Santa: Use a pen.

What can Santa give away and still keep?
→ A cold.

Last year's Christmas pudding was so awful I threw it in the ocean.
That's probably why the ocean's full of currants!

- Who made this Christmas pudding?

- Our chef. He's a little green man who lives in a toadstool.

- What did he use to make it?

- Elf-raising flour, of course.

- Doctor, Doctor, Father Christmas gives us oranges every Christmas. Now I think I'm turning into an orange!

- Have you tried playing squash?