Latest

How do sheep greet each other at Christmas?
→ A merry Christmas to ewe

What does Dracula write on his Christmas cards?
→ Best vicious of the season

- I've had a slight accident with your sleigh, Father Christmas!

- Father Christmas: Oh no! That sleigh was in mint condition!

- That's all right....now it's a mint with a hole!

- Father Christmas: I thought I asked you to go out there and clear the snow!

- I'm on my way, Father Christmas.

- Father Christmas: But you only have one welly on!

- That's all right! There's only one foot of snow!

A group of mountain climbers once heard Father Christmas go past.
They must have had sharp ears!
They were mountain-ears!

I remember when Father Christmas first passed his sleigh-driving test. He came skidding down in front of the toy factory.

- Have you passed? - I asked.

Father Christmas pointing proudly to the front of the sleigh.

- See for yourself! - he called proudly.

- No-el plates!

What does Father Christmas call his money?
→ Iced lolly?

One time Father Christmas lost his underpants.
That's how he got the name Saint Knickerless!

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
→ Santa Jaws!

How long does it take to burn a candle down?
→ About a wick!

What's Tarzan's favourite Christmas song?
→ Jungle bells.

What's Christmas called in England?
→ Yule Britannia!

Dear Father Christmas, could you please send me some Crocodile shoes!.

- Father Christmas: Can't do that one. He hasn't said what size his crocodile takes!

Dear Father Christmas, this Christmas could you please send me a yellow door.
Yours, Sherlock Holmes

- Watson: So why do you want a yellow door Holmes?

- Lemon-entry my dear Watson.

- Father Christmas has two reindeer. He calls one Edward and the other one Edward! I bet you can't tell me why he does that!

- Oh, yes I can - the elf said.

- Because tow 'Eds are better than one, of course!

- Father Christmas has two reindeer. He calls one Edward and the other one Edward! I bet you can't tell me why he does that!

- Oh, yes I can - the elf said.

- Because tow 'Eds are better than one, of course!

What reindeer can jump higher than a house?
→ They all can! Houses can't jump!

Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses at the beach?
→ Because he didn't want to be recognised!

What game do reindeer play in their stalls?
→ Stable-tennis!

Who delievers elephants's Christmas presents?
→ Elephanta Claus!

Who delievers cat's Christmas presents?
→ Santa Paws!

A rabbit's favourite Christmas song?
→ 'Lettuce with a gladsome mind'

A football supporter's favourite Christmas song?
→ 'Yule never walk alone'

What's a hairdressers's favourite Christmas song?
→ 'Oh comb all ye faithful'

What's Scrooge's favourite Christmas game?
→ Mean-opoly.