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- Professor: I forgot to take my umbrella this morning.

- Wife: When did you first miss it, dear?

- Professor: When I reached up to close it after the rain had stopped.

- Where are my shoes? - asked the Iowa State professor as the class ended.

- They're on your feet, - said one of the students.

- So they are, - said the professor.

- It's a good thing you saw them, or I would have gone home without them!

What is the second stupidest thing in the world?
→ An Arkansas architectural student out in the middle of the ocean trying to build a foundation for a house.

What is the stupidest thing in the world?
→ An Arkansas contractor trying to build a house on the foundation.

Higginbote and Goldstein, Fordham freshmen, were discussing what kind of work would supply them with big bucks after graduation.

- Well, I've always thought I'd like to be a doctor, - said Higginbote.

- Specialize in something or other. Like obstetrics, maybe.

- Obstetrics? - scoffed Goldstein.

- At the rate science is going, you'd no sooner learn all about it when bingo! somebody'd find a cure for it.

Tipton and Baldwin shared a room on the North Carolina campus.

One day Tipton came in and said to his roommate:

- I hear there's a new case of herpes in the dorm.

- Great! - said Baldwin.

- I was getting tired of 7-Up!

Three students from Michigan State, the University of Kentucky and Texas A & M on summer vacation in France were caught smuggling cocaine and sentenced to death by guillotine. The judge turned to the boy from Michigan and asked:

- Do you have any final words, son?

- Yeah, drop dead! - snapped the Wolverine.

Hearing this, the judge signaled for the sentence to be carried out.

The executioner pulled the lever, and as the crowd gaped in astonishment, the giant blade came to a screeching halt three inches from the victim's throat.

- It's God's will! Let him go! - cried the judge.

Next the fella from U. of Kentucky was put on the block, and the judge asked again:

- Professor: A wise man doubts everything. Only a pin-head is positive.

- Student: Are you sure of that, sir?

- Professor: Positive.

How can you tell if a California State coed is a good cook?
→ She can get the pop tart out of the toaster in one piece.

There was the Florida State defensive tackle who thought Hertz Van Rentals was a famous Dutch painter.

Did you hear about the University of Miami fullback who stayed up all night studying for his urine test?

How does a New York University psychology major turn on his lights in the morning?
→ By opening the car door.

What do they call a bunch of Mississippi football players standing in a circle holding hands?
→ A dope ring.

How can you tell a Minnesota hockey fan?
→ Ask him what color the blue line is and wait. It may take him ten minutes to answer.

Two Kentucky psychology majors were walking through the campus.

- Do you consider a 144 I.Q. high?

- Yes!

- For the whole basketball team?

Jeb and Eudell, University of Michigan athletes, were driving from Ann Arbor to Cleveland. Just outside the city limits they saw a sign: "CLEAN REST ROOMS." By the time they got to Cleveland, they'd cleaned 147 Johns.

How many Buckeye football players does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ One. But he gets three hours credit.

Did you hear about the UCLA track star who won a gold medal?
→ He was so proud of it that he had it bronzed.

- Did you hear? Lament's gettin' a Ph.D.

- What does Ph.D. stand for?

- in his case, Pin-headed Dope.

What is a Furman freshman doing when he grasps at thin air?
→ Collecting his thoughts.

Why did the Oregon State psychology major climb up the chain link fence?
→ To see what was on the other side.

How do you get a Texas Tech senior's eyes to sparkle?
→ Shine a flashlight in his ears.

What do you call ten Utah State law students standing ear to ear?
→ A wind tunnel.

How many Wake Forest fraternity brothers does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
→ Seventeen. One to do it and sixteen to shell the M&M's.

Did you hear about the Penn State professor who went around in a revolving door for six hours because he couldn't remember whether he was going in or coming out?

How do you measure a Villanova graduate's I.Q.?
→ With a tire gauge.