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What has Clinton done that no one has been able to do in the last 5 years?
→ Unite the Republican Party.

What is the first thing that President Clinton says after waking up?
→ Good morning, Bill.

If Ted Kennedy, Dan Quayle, Bob Packwood and Bill Clinton all had a spelling contest, which one would win?
→ Dan Quayle. He's the only one who knows that harass is one word.

One day there were these three boys walking down the street, all of a sudden they heard a yell:

- HELP! HELP!

When the boys got to the noise they saw Bill Clinton in a lake drowning. The three boys saved him from drowning. Bill Clinton asks the first boy how he could ever repay him. The boy said:

- I want a boat.

The second boy said:

- I want a truck.

And the third boy said:

- I want three tombstones with are names all on them.

Bill Clinton said:

- why is that son?

How did Bill and Hillary Clinton first meet?
→ They were both dating the same girl in high school.

Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find out that she's pregnant! She is furious. Here just became the senator of New York and this has happened to her.
She gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming:

- How could you have let this happen?

- With all that's going on right now, you go and get me pregnant! How could you??!!! I can't believe this!

- I just found out I am five weeks pregnant and it is all your fault!!! Your fault!!! Well, what have you got to say???

There is nothing but dead silence on the phone. She screams again:

- Did you hear me??!!

Finally she hears Bill's very, very quiet voice. In a barely audible whisper, he says:

- Who is this?

What does Clinton have in common with his Hollywood pals?
→ They all make a living by lying to people.

Why did Clinton choose Canada as the site for his summit with Yeltsin?
→ So he could look up some college buddies who moved up there during the war.

Why did Bill go out to sea on an aircraft carrier?
→ To promote off-shore drilling.

What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter?
→ It took Bill less than 100 days to botch a military mission.

Why is Bill infuriated with Chelsea's new private school?
→ They broke family tradition by making her wear a uniform.

What is Clinton's plan to create thousands of small businesses?
→ Take thousands of big businesses and wait four years.

What was the real purpose of Bill's college visit to Moscow?
→ To study economics.

What will Bill's favorite retail outlet be after his economic blueprint takes effect?
→ Everything's $100.

President Clinton, returning from a campaign stop in Arkansas, is climbing the steps to board Air Force One. Under each arm he is carrying a souvenir of his trip -- a live razorback. At the top of the jetway, he is met by the guard, a Marine sergeant, who issues a crisp salute.

- I'd salute you back, Sergeant - says the President, but as you can see, I've got my hands full.

- Yes, sir - replies the sergeant.

- Very nice pigs, sir. Very nice pigs.

- Why, these aren't pigs - the President responds.

- These are RAZORBACKS!

- Yes, sir -- razorbacks. Sorry, sir.

- Yup - Clinton continues.

- Got this one for Chelsea, and this one for Hillary.

The sergeant replies:

In a survey of American women, when asked, "Would you sleep with President Clinton?" 86% replied, "Not again"

- Prosecutor: Mr. Clinton, did you have an improper relationship with Monica Lewinsky?

- Pres: Improper? ... Ain't nothing improper about that. That was one of the the sweetest interns I've ever had.

What is the difference between Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter?
→ Jimmy Carter waited until after the inauguration to break his promises.

How has Clinton made his cabinet look more like America?
→ Many of them have sixth grade reading levels.

Why were there two presidential limousines in the inaugural parade?
→ The first one held the real president while the second one contained the president's spouse, Bill Clinton.

What did Clinton say when accused of copying his homework from his girlfriend at Oxford?
→ I did not have textual relations with that woman.

Why does Bill Clinton wear underwear?
→ To keep his ankles warm.

Why is Clinton prone to losing his voice?
→ He keeps having to eat his words.

Why does Clinton always have a stupid grin on his face?
→ He is stupid!

What is the best thing that ever came out of Arkansas?
→ Highway 55.