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If you crossed two cows with a flock of ducks, what would you get?
→ Milk and quackers!

If you crossed a cow with Michael Jackson, what song would you get?
→ "Beeflt!"

If you crossed a cow with a goat, what would you get?
→ Half and half!

- I hear you take milk baths.

- That's right.

- Why?

- I can't find a cow tall enough for a shower!

- I can't decide whether to buy a bicycle or a cow for my farm.

- Well, wouldn't you look silly riding a cow?

- I'd look a darn sight sillier trying to milk a bicycle!

How do you know that cows will be in heaven?
→ It's a place of udder delight.

How does a cow do math?
→ With a cowculator!

How do you make a milkshake?
→ Give a cow a pogo stick.

How do bulls drive their cars?
→ They steer them!

How did the farmer find his lost cow?
→ He tractor down

What do you call a cow that plays the guitar?
→ A Moosician!

How did the calf's final exam turn out?
→ Grade A!

How did that bullfight come out?
→ Oh, it was a toss-up!

How did cows feel when the branding iron was invented?
→ They were very impressed!

Does running out of a burning barn make a cow unusual?
→ No, only medium rare!

Did you hear about the snobby cow?
→ She thought she was a cutlet above the rest!

- Did you hear about the farmer who lost control of his tractor in the cow pasture?

- No! Did he hurt the cows?

- No, he just grazed them!

- Cow: Why don't you shoo those flies?

- Bull: I'll let them go barefoot!

A summer visitor asked the farmer how long cows should be milked.

- Oh, I reckon about the same as short ones! - the farmer answered.

A son is calling his mom from college, and telling her that he had just got his degree. The mother says:

- That's great honey! What kind of degree?

And the son, almost squealing with excitement, says:

- The best one ever, a Celsius degree!

College meals are generally unpopular with those who have to eat them - and sometimes with good reason.

- What kind of pie do you call this? - asked one student indignantly.

- What's it taste like? - asked the cook.

- Glue!

- Then it's apple pie - the plum pie tastes like soap.

- Now my motto in life - said the school chaplain - is work hard, play hard and pray hard. How about you, Harriet?

- My motto is let bygones be bygones.

- That's good. Why did you choose that?

- Then I wouldn't have to take any history classes!

A college friend was going to meet a young lady he knew.

- An old flame? - I asked.

He winked and said:

- More like an unlit match.

What do college students and deer have in common?
→ They both stand in the middle of the road and stare at your headlights.

The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, so too the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there any questions?

At this, a male student in the crowd inquires:

- Er... How much for a season pass?