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Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?
→ Because there were so many knights!

What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
→ Toga-ether we can rule the world!

Why did the Romans build straight roads?
→ So their soldiers didn't go around the bend!

- When did Caesar reign?

- I didn't know he reigned.

- Of course he did, didn't they hail him?

If Atlas supported the world on his shoulders, who supported Atlas?
→ His wife!

Who succeeded the first President of the USA?
→ The second one!

Why does history keep repeating itself?
→ Because we weren't listening the first time!

Where did the pilgrims land when they came to America?
→ On their feet!

Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
→ He wanted Mark Antony!

What was the greatest accomplishment of the early Romans?
→ Speaking Latin!

Why did the Pilgrims create Thanksgiving?
→ They wanted another excuse to watch football.

There are three ways a man wears his hair - parted - unparted or departed

A guy walks in to the Barbershop.
Barber says:

- What will it be today?

Guy says:

- well I want it going with my waves on top, faded on one side, plug the other, and just make it all out of shape and messed up.

Barber says:

- Now why in the world do you want your hair cut like that.

Guy says:

- That's how you cut it last time

A woman was cutting her husband's thinning hair, when their teenage son arrived home looking for a snack.

She offered a kiwifruit and tried to tempt him with its nutritious qualities.

- It has more vitamin C than an orange - she remarked.

- And more hair than Dad - added their son.

Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
→ It matches their mustaches.

A guy admired the hair of three girls.
He walked by one and asked:

- How'd you get such lovely blonde hair?

Taking her hand and gently running it through her hair, the girl answered:

- It's natural.

The guy walked by the second girl and asked:

- How'd you get such pretty brown hair?

Fluffing her hair, the second girl said:

- It's natural.

Finally the guy approached the third girl and asked:

What do you call a proton with big hair?
→ A 'froton.

Why do polo bears like bald men?
→ Because they have a great, white, bear place!

- Knock knock.

- Who's there?

- Barber!

- Barber who?

- Barberd wire!

What side of a monster has more hair?
→ The outside!

How does a barber make phone calls?
→ He cuts them short.

What do you get if you cross a hairdresser and a bucket of cement?
→ Permanent waves!

What do you get if you cross a wireless with a hairdresser?
→ Radio waves!

What do you call a policeman with blonde hair?
→ A fair cop!

What do you call a pen with no hair?
→ A bald point!