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- Barber: And how old are you, little man?

- Fred: Eight.

- Barber: And do you want a haircut?

- Fred: Well, I certainly didn't come in for a shave!

- Barber: Your hair is getting grey, Sir.

- Customer: I'm not surprised - hurry up, will you?

Why does a barber never shave a man with a wooden leg?
→ Because he always uses a razor.

What's a barber's favourite kind of holiday?
→ Cruising on a clipper.

- How much for a haircut?

- Barber: Fifteen dollars.

- How much for a shave?

- Barber: Ten dollars.

- Right - shave my head.

A punk walked into a barber's shop and sat in an empty chair.

- Haircut, sir? - asked the barber.

- No, just change the oil, please!

A man sitting in a barber's chair noticed that the barber's hands were very dirty. When he commented on this, the barber explained, "Yes, sir, no one's been in for a shampoo yet."

Why do barbers make good drivers?
→ Because they know all the short cuts.

Why do bald-headed men never use keys?
→ Because they've lost their locks.

- Doctor, doctor, can you give me something for my baldness?

- How about a few pounds of pig manure?

- Will that cure my baldness?

- No, but with that on your head no one will come near enough to notice you're bald.

What's your dad getting for Christmas?
→ Bald and fat.

- America's oldest lady was 115 years old today, and she hasn't got a grey hair on her head.

- How come?

- She's completely bald.

- Look at that bald man over there.

- It's the first time I've seen a parting with ears.

What do you call an English teacher, five feet tall, covered from head to toe in boils and totally bald?
→ Sir!

- First boy: My dad saw a horrible witch and didn't turn a hair!

- Second boy: I'm not surprised - your dad's bald!

A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair and said:

- I'll have a shave and a shoe shine.

The barber began to lather his face while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes.

The cowboy said:

- Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room.

She replied:

- I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that.

The cowboy said:

- Tell him your working overtime and I'll pay you the difference.

She said:

Your so bald your bald

I had a dream you were a tire last night. I woke up and you were bald.

Your head is sooooo bald I mistook you for a green rabbit.

a guy was teased everywhere of his totally noticably bald head! Afta goin thru yrs of this, he decided that he should say sumthin about it! so he stood up on2 the tallest statue and shouted 4 everyone 2 hear: 'I AM NOT BALD, ITS JUST THAT IM TALLER THAN MY HAIR!'

YOUR SO BALD THAT WHEN YOU WHERE A TURTLENECK YOU LOOK LIKE A ROLL ON DEODORANT.

After accepting an invitation to dance with a rather prematurely balding man a young woman wants to lighten the mood and says, "Honey, God was good to you, gave you a handsome face and room for another one."

The Sunday School teacher asked if any of the children's parents had quoted from the Bible in the past week. Little Timmy paused, but then spoke up, "My daddy doesn't have any hair on his head. Daddy says that God put hair on everything that he was ashamed of."

Your so bald, I can see what your thinking.

A bald man with a peg leg gets invited to a costume party. Being shy and self-conscious about his appearance, he goes to the best costume shop in town. When he gets there, he tells the shop owner his situation and that he would rather cover his head and leg with a costume instead of exploiting his apparent problems. So, the shop owner comes back with a lifeguard costume.

The man says:

- No, no. That will show off my peg leg. I can't hide it with that. Try again.

So the shop owner leaves and comes back with a monk costume. And again the man says:

- No, no. I can't wear that. It will make people notice my head.

Obviously pissed off, the shop owner leaves and comes back with a five-pound bag of…