Religion

A mother was teaching her 3-year-old the Lord's prayer. For several evenings at bedtime she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer. "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail, Amen."

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, he looked at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between pages.

"Mommy, look what I found," the boy called out.

"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered: "It's Adam's clothes!!!!!"

A motorist ran into a shop.

"Do you own a black and white cat?" he asked. "No," replied the manager.

"Oh dear," said the motorist, "I must have run over a nun."

What's black and white and red all over?
→ A nun in a car accident.

A man is driving down the road for a long period of time.

During his travel, he sees a priest with a gas can hitch hiking, so he gladly picks him up he says, "Normally father, i dont pick up hitch hikers. You seem like a man of dignity so i thought id make an exception.

In fact i hate hitch hikers. The priest nods his head and they drive on

Along the way, The driver spots another man hitch hiking. "that dirty son of %$#%#% ill fix him". He then swirves the car and tries to make the hit and run like an accident. Dang! i missed. The priests yells, "Don't worry i got him with the gas can!"

A Lutheran minister is driving down to New York to see the radio show and he's stopped in Connecticut for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

And the minister says, "Just water."

The sheriff says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

And the minister looks down at the bottle and says, "Good Lord, He's done it again!"

A driver tucked this note under the windshield wiper of his automobile. "I've circled the block for 20 minutes. I'm late for an appointment, and if I don't park here I'll lose my job. Forgive us our trespasses."

When he came back he found a parking ticket and this note: "I've circled the block for 20 years, and if I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."

A young man comes home and says, "Dad, I just got my driver's license and would like to use the family car."

Father replies, "O.K., son. But, first, you have to get good grades in school, keep your room clean, make sure the yard is neat, and cut your hair. Come back in a few months and then we'll see."

Well, several months pass and the young man comes into the house with his report card in his hand. "Dad, I got great marks on my report card. I've been keeping my room as neat as a pin, and the yard is always ship-shape. How about letting me use the car?"

Father replies, "That's all true, but son you didn't cut your hair."

Son says, "But, dad, Jesus had long hair."

Father replies, "Yes, son, you're perfectly right. And he walked everywhere he went."

An Irish priest and a Rabbi get into a car accident. They both get out of their cars and stumble over to the side of the road. The Rabbi says, "Oy vey! What a wreck!"

The priest asks him, "Are you all right, Rabbi?"

The Rabbi responds, "Just a little shaken."

The priest pulls a flask of whiskey from his coat and says, "Here, drink some of this it will calm your nerves."

The Rabbi takes the flask and drinks it down and says, "Well, what are we going to tell the police?"

"Well," the priest says, "I don't know what your aft' to be tellin' them. But I'll be tellin' them I wasn't the one drinkin'."

A businessman who needed millions of dollars to clinch an important deal went to church to pray for the money.

By chance he knelt next to a man who was praying for $100 to pay an urgent debt. The businessman took out his wallet and pressed $100 into the other man's hand. Overjoyed, the man got up and left the church.

The businessman then closed his eyes and prayed, "And now, Lord, that I have your undivided attention .... "