Religion

'I'm very sad to announce this morning, girls, that Miss Jones has decided to retire,' said the principal at morning assembly. 'Now we will all stand and sing this morning's hymn....now Thank We All Our God.'

What happened when the cannibal bit off a missionary's ear?
→ He had his first taste of Christianity!

What happened when the cannibal got a religion?
→ He only ate Catholics on Fridays!

What do cannibals say when they say grace?
→ ''We thank you, Lord, for our daily dead!''

Was the principal's brother really a missionary?
→ He certainly was. He gave the people of the Cannibal Islands their first taste of Christianity!

- Cannibal: Mom, mom, I've been eating a missionary and I feel sick!

- Mom: Well, you know what they say - you can't keep a good man down!

The cannibal priest told his flock to close their eyes and say grace.

"For whosoever we are about to eat, may the Lord make us truly thankful."

Old English Churches by Beverley Minster

There were those three guys, a priest, a doctor and an engineer, and they were playing golf. But the group before them was extremely slow and at each hole they waited hours.

Finally the priest asked around, why was that other group was so slow? He was told that they were very courageous firemen who saved the golf course a couple of years ago from a terrible fire, in which they all lost their sight. As a proof of appreciation they were given the right to play on the course whenever they wanted. They like that a lot, but being blind they are just not too good at hitting the ball, let alone finding it after it's hit.

The priest said, "Oh my this is terrible. Tonight I'll say a little prayer for these courageous souls."

The doctor heard that and said "Don't worry. I'll send them to a friend of mine, he's an ophtalmologist and he works wonders."

The engineer said "Wait. Why can't they just play at night?"

A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower.

"There is a blind man to see you," she says.

"Well, if he is a blind man, than it does not matter if I'm in the shower. Send him in."

The blind man walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to tell him how much she appreciates him working at the convent for them. She goes on and on and 10 minutes later the man interrupts: "That's nice and all, ma'am, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you want me to put these blinds?"