Medicine

Why did the blonde have a hysterectomy?
→ She wanted to stop having grandchildren.

What did the leper say to the hooker?
→ Keep the tip.

Whats the difference between premenstrual tension and BSE?
→ One's mad cow disease, the other's an agricultural problem.

Why is Viagra like Disneyworld?
→ You have to wait an hour for a three minute ride

Two elderly gentlemen, Sam and Harry, were having breakfast. Sam said to Harry, "Harry, why do you have a suppository in your ear?"

Harry took the suppository out, looked it over and said, "Sam, I'm really glad you saw this thing, now I think I know where my hearing aid is."

Because of a bad case of hemorrhoids, a gay bottom goes to his doctor. The physician prescribes suppositories, but when it comes time to use them the young man is afraid he will do it wrong. So he goes into the bathroom and bends over and looks through his legs into the mirror to line up the target. All of a sudden, his penis becomes stiff, blocking his view.

"Oh, stop it," the young man scolds his organ, "it's only me."

A guy went out on the golf course took a high-speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he fell to the ground.
When he finally got himself to the doctor, he said, "How bad is it doc? I'm getting married next week, and my fiancee is still a virgin in every way." The doc said, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay by next week." So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art. The guy mentioned none of this to his girl. They got married and on the honeymoon night in their hotel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he saw them, and she said, "You'll be the first; no one has ever touched them before." He tore off his pants and said, "Look at this. It's still in the crate!"

"Did you get your money?" ask the wife of the dentist who had just return from the delinquent patient's home.
"Not a cent," growled the dentist, "and worse than that, he insulted me, and gnashed my teeth at me!"

Dentist: "You don't need to open your mouth any wider. When I pull your tooth I expect to stand outside."

A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth.

The dentist examines him and says, "that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?"

The man replies, "all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious ... Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything --- meat, toast, fish, vegetables, everything."

"Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome."

"Why chrome?" asks the patient. To which the dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows that ... there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"