Marriage Jokes

After their house burned down, Mary Ann, his wife, called the insurance company.

Mary Ann tells the insurance agent:

- We had that house insured for one hundred thirty thousand dollars and we want our money.

The agent replies:

- Whoa there, just a minute. It doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of your house and provide you with a new one of comparable worth.

Mary Ann thought for a moment and then told the agent:

- I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband.

- Outraged wife: Couldn't you think of anything better than coming home drunk like this?

- Husband: Yes, but she was out of town!

Gena is such a good wife. Why, just let her husband get home late at night and as soon as he enters the door, he gets his pipe, slippers, pajamas, robe, book, dinner, and if anything else is handy, she heaves that at him, too.

- Husband: Darling, will you love me when I'm old and feeble?

- Spouse: You bet I do.

- Marriage counselor: Maybe your problem is that you've been waking up grumpy every morning.

- Client: No, I always let him sleep.

At the marriage counselor's office, the woman complained, "What's-his-name here says I don't give him enough attention."

- Oh, Laura! - cried her neighbor.

- I'm so very sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. He was such a wonderful man. I'm sure he left you well provided for, didn't he?

Laura dabbed at her eyes and muttered:

- Yes, he was a very caring husband and he left me almost half a million dollars in his will. I miss him so much that I'd give fifty thousand just to have him back!

The little boy asked his dad one evening:

- Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?

- I don't know, son - he said.

- I'm still paying for it.

Standing at the pearly gates of heaven, Albert noticed pointing to two paths. One was marked "Women" and the other marked "Men".

He took the path assigned to men and then came upon two more gates.

The right-hand gate had a sign that read "Men Who Were Dominated By Their Spouses"; the other gate read "Men Who Were Boss And Dominated Their Spouses". The first gate had an endless line of guys waiting, but only one little guy stood before the male domination gate. Albert was undecided, so he walked up to the little guy standing all alone and asked:

- Why are you standing at this gate, a little punk like you?

The smallish fellow replied:

- I haven't a clue. My wife told me to stand here.

A woman tells her friend:

- My husband is an angel.

Her friend replies:

- You're lucky, mine is still alive.