Kids Jokes

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill, as this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00, and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord. It said:

Dear Lord, Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, DC and as usual, those jerks deducted $95.

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.

- You all have obsessions - he observed.

To the first mother he said:

- You are obsessed with eating. You even named your daughter Candy.

He turned to the second mom.

- Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny.

He turned to the third mom.

- Your obsession is alcohol and your child's name is Brandy.

At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered:

- Come on sweety, let's go home.

- Are you writing a thank you letter to Grandma like I told you to?

- Yes Mom.

- Your handwriting seems very large.

- Well, Grandma's very deaf, so I'm writing very loudly.

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Abe

- Abe who?

- Abe C D E F G H...!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Abbey

- Abbey who?

- Abbey stung me on the nose!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Abba

- Abba who?

- Abba'out turn! Quick march!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Aaron

- Aaron who?

- Aaron the barber's floor!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Aardvark

- Aardvark who?

- Aardvark a million miles for one of your smiles!

A little girl climbed into her grandfather's lap and studied his white, balding head. She ran her fingers along the deep wrinkles and road mapped his face and neck.

- Did god make you? - she asked.

- yes - he answered.

- did god makeme, to? - she wondered.

- yes - he replied.

- well, she shrugged - don't you think he's doing a better job now than he used to?

A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the chair.

- I'm goin' to buy a green tie to wear for the parade - he said.

- I'll be back in a few minutes.

When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said:

- Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you.

- That wasn't my daddy - said the boy.

- He just walked up, took me by the hand and said:

- Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!