Kids Jokes

Two boys were eating a snack lunch in the school yard. One had an apple and the other said, "Watch out for worms won't you!" The first one replied, "Why should I? They can watch out for themselves."

Wife to husband as they watch their young son playing:

- He's such a sensitive child. Let's wait until he's older before we tell him you're an accountant.

Accountant after reading nursery rhymes to his young child:

- No, son. When Little Bo Peep lost her sheep that wouldn't be tax deductible, but I like your thinking.

The accountant had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time. The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach. Suddenly she piped up, "Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or a long-term capital gain?"

How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

- Mum, Mum, Dad's broken my computer!

- How did he do that?

- I dropped it on his head.

What does a proud computer call his little son?
→ A microchip off the old block.

I overheard a woman in a computer store say to the sales assistant "I want a game capable of holding the interest of my six-year-old, but it's got to be simple enough for his father to play, too."

One day there were two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it and the other boy couldn't figure out why his friend was at the bush so long.
The other boy went over to the bush and looked. The two boys were looking at a woman bathing naked in the steam. All of a sudden the second boy took off running. The first boy couldn't understand why he ran away so he took off after his friend. Finally, he caught up to him and asked why he ran away. The boy said to his friend:

- My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran.

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping:

- Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?

When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

- God Almighty! - shouted Mary, and the teacher said:

- Very good - and Mary fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary:

- Who is our Lord and Savior - but Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue, and stuck her again.

- Jesus Christ! - shouted Mary, and the teacher said:

- Very good - and Mary fell back asleep.

Then the teacher asked Mary a third question:

- What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child? And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.

This time Mary jumped up and shouted:

- If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!