Kids Jokes

- I don't think my Mom knows much about children.

- Why do you say that?

- Because she always puts me to bed when I'm wide awake, and gets me up when I'm sleepy!

A little boy came downstairs crying late one night.

- What's wrong? - asked his mother.

- Do people really come from dust, like they said in church? - he sobbed.

- In a way they do - said his mother.

- And when they die so they turn back to dust?

- Yes, they do.

The little boy began to cry again:

- Well, under my bed there's someone either coming or going.

- Monster: I'm so ugly.

- Ghost: It's not that bad!

- Monster: It is! When my grandfather was born they passed out cigars. When my father was born they just passed out cigarettes. When I was born they simply passed out.

Two teenage boys were talking in the classroom. One said:

- I took my girlfriend to see 'The bride of Dracula' last night.

- Oh yeah - said the other.

- what was she like?

- Well she was about six foot six, white as a ghost and she had big red staring eyes and fangs.

The other said:

- Yes, but what was 'The Bride of Dracula' like?

- Mary: Do you think my sister's pretty?

- Gary: Well, let's just say if you pulled her pigtail she'd probably say 'oink, oink'!

Little Johnny and his mother were on a train. Johnny leant over and started to whisper in his mother's ear.

- Johnny, how many times have I told you - said his mother, it's rude to whisper. If you have something to say, say it out loud.

- OK - said Johnny, why does the lady over there look like an ugly, haggard old witch?

A little boy came running into the kitchen.

- Dad, dad - he said, there's a monster at the door with a really ugly face

- Tell him you've already got one - said his father!

How do you know that there's a monster in your bath?
→ You can't get the shower curtain closed.

What do you call the ring that worms leave round the bath?
→ The scum of the earth!

Where does a vampire take a bath?
→ In the bat-room (bathroom).