Instrument Jokes

What's the definition of a nerd?
→ Someone who has his or her own alto clarinet.

How do you get a cellist to play fortissimo?
→ Write 'pp, espressivo'.

What is the difference between a cello and a coffin?
→ The coffin has the corpse on the inside.

How many bassoonists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Only one, but they'll insist on going through about 5 bulbs before they find one that suits this particular room and situation.

How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
→ None. The piano player can do that with his left hand.

Did you hear about the drummer who locked his keys in his car?
→ It took him four hours to get the bass player out.

How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Six. One to change it, five to fight off the lead guitarists who are hogging the light.

How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Only one - but the guitarist has to show him first.

Why did the bass player get mad at the timpanist?
→ He turned a peg and wouldn't tell the bass player which one.

What do you say to the banjo player in the three piece suit?
→ Will the defendant please rise.