Festival Jokes

What did the parrot say on Independence Day?
→ Polly wants a firecracker!

What's brown and white and flies all over?
→ Thanksgiving turkey, when you carve it with a chain saw!

What did the really ugly man do for a living?
→ He posed for Halloween masks!

Don't look out of the window, Betty, people will think it's Halloween.

It was Halloween and three vampires went into a saloon and bellied up to the bar. "What will you have?" the bartender asked.

"I'll have a glass of blood," the first replied.
"I'll have a glass of blood, too, please," said the second.
"I'll have a glass of plasma," said the third.

"OK, let me get this straight," the bartender said. "That'll be two bloods and a blood light?"

Last New Year's Eve, one woman stood up at the local tavern and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.

It was embarrassing. The bartender was almost crushed to death.

What are baby witches called?
→ Halloweenies.

How do you get the most apples at Halloween?
→ Take a snorkel.

Why was Easter the aardvark's favorite holiday?
→ Because he liked aard-boiled eggs!

Did you hear about the egg laden rabbit who jumps off bridges?
→ He's the Easter Bungee!