Festival Jokes

What did the burglar give his wife for her birthday?
→ A stole.

What's the greatest birthday present?
→ Hard to say - but a drum takes a lot of beating.

Dad bought Mum a bone-china tea set for her birthday.

- How lovely!

- Yes, but he only did it so as not to have to do the washing-up. Mum's too frightened he'll break it!

- I've been shopping for my wife's birthday present.

- What did you get her?

- A bottle of expensive toilet water. It cost 20.

- 20! Why didn't you come to my house - you could have had some of ours for free!

- Will you come to my party on Saturday?

- Yes, please. What's the address?

- 25 The High Street. Just push the bell with your elbow.

- Why with my elbow?

- Well, you won't be empty-handed, will you!

- I forgot my brother's birthday last month.

- What did he say?

- Nothing, yet.

- Grandma, is it exciting being 99?

- It certainly is! If I wasn't 99 I'd be dead.

- How old were you on your last birthday?

- Eight.

- And how old will you be on your next birthday?

- Ten.

- Oh, I don't think that's possible.

- Oh, yes it is - I'm nine today.

- Something happened to me yesterday that will never, ever, happen to me again.

- How can you be so sure?

- I was 10 years old yesterday.

Chicken to turkey: "Only Thanksgiving and Christmas??? You're lucky, with us it's any Sunday."