Random joke from this category
The teacher asked little Johnny to use the word "definitely" in a sentence.
Little Johnny replies:
- Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?
The Teacher says:
- Of course not Johnny,
To which Johnny replies:
- Then I have definitely s**t my pants.
Signs Your Partner Is Addicted to Internet Porn:
- During foreplay, he's always double-clicking your G-spot.
- His new computer includes a DVD-ROM drive, a 56k modem, and a tissue dispenser.
- When she wants you to take off your pants, she says, "Scroll down."
- Tells everyone he's a pioneer in "palm computing."
- He's suing Playboy.com for repetitive stress injuries.
- Her favorite actor? Tommy Lee.
- When he sees a hot babe, he wryly says, "Boy, I'd like to click on her."
- You look deep into his eyes and see a faint image of Asia Carrera burned into his corneas.
- As you undress, he takes out his credit card and tells you his birthday.
- During sex, he shouts, "Refresh! Refresh!"
- His version of foreplay: You lie naked on the bed with a sheet covering you... he pulls it down slowly for ten minutes.
How does a blond turn on the light after sex?
→ She opens the car door.
How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
→ Fertilized.
Three blondes are sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is sucking hers, one is biting hers, one is licking hers. Which one is married?
→ The one with the wedding ring, YOU SICK-O!
A blonde and a redhead were sitting together having drinks, when the blonde noticed a man walking towards them with an arm full of long stem red roses.
The blonde says to the redhead:
- isn't that your husband coming carrying all those roses?
The redhead says, yes it is.
The blonde responds by saying:
- Oh you are so lucky.
The redhead says:
- No I'm not. All that means is that I have to spend the whole week-end flat on my back, with my legs in the air and spread apart.
The blonde says:
- Oh my, don't you have a vase to put them in?
A blonde guy was sitting in a bar when he spots a very pretty young woman. He advances towards her when the bartender says to him:
- Don't waste your time on that one. She's a lesbian.
The blonde goes over to her anyway and says:
- So which part of Lesbia are you from?
At a paternity trial, the blonde's lawyer asked:
- On the night of July 16th last, at approximately 11:45 p.m., in the locale known generally as 'Lover's Lane,' did the defendant have sexual relations with you?
- Yes - whispered the girl, her head bowed.
- And did the defendant on that occasion, to the best of your knowledge, have a climax? - the lawyer continued.
- Oh no - she replied.
- I'm pretty sure... he had one of them fancy Mitsubishis.
Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked at the other and said:
- I've got to take a crap.
The other said:
- Well go behind one of those big trees, and crap.
The first one said:
- But I don't have any paper to wipe my ass.
The other blonde replied:
- You have a dollar, don't you?
The first one said:
- Yeah, I've got a dollar. That's a great idea-- I'll use that!
He left and came back with crap all over his hands and clothes.
His friend looked at him and asked:
- What in the hell happened to you?
The first one replied:
- Have you ever tried to wipe your ass with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?
How does a blonde have safe sex?
→ She locks the car door.
