Random joke from this category
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says:
- Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?
She says:
- Why, officer?
- Because your breast is hanging out.
She looks down and says:
- OH MY GOODNESS! I left the baby on the bus again!
A blonde and a brunette were taking the elevator to the lobby from the 25th floor. On the 23rd floor, a great looking man with ruffled hair gets into the elevator. The women exchange a look acknowledging just how good looking this man is. The man gets off the elevator on the 12th floor. The women watch him exit the elevator. The brunette turns to the blonde and says, "God was he good looking, but someone ought to give him some head." To which the blonde replies, "How do you give Shoulders?"
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says:
- Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?
She says:
- Why, officer?
- Because your breast is hanging out.
She looks down and says:
- OH MY GOODNESS! I left the baby on the bus again!
A blonde walks into a restaurant to get some lunch, and while she's deciding on what she wants a waitress comes up. The blonde looks up and notices the waitress's name tag on her shirt. "Gee, that's nice. What did you name the other one?"
A depressed young blonde was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said:
- Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day.
Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added:
- I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy.
The girl nodded 'yes.' After all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a life-boat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain.
- What are you doing here? - the Captain asked.
- I have an arrangement with one of the sailors - the blonde explained.
- He's taking me to Europe, and he's screwing me.
- He sure is, lady... This is the Staten Island Ferry!
Why did the blonde have a sore belly button?
→ Her boyfriend was also blonde.
A blonde girl just stepped into the bathtub when the doorbell rang.
- Who is it?
- Blind man - came the response.
Feeling charitable, the blonde dashed from the tub without bothering to put on any clothes, grabbed her purse, and opened the door. The man's jaw dropped and he stammered:
- Wh-where do you want me to put these blinds, lady?
A man walks into a bar and sits down next to a beautiful blonde.
- I just got this amazing watch - he tells her. It can reads alpha waves, and can tell me what a person is thinking.
- What does it say about me? - asked the blonde.
- It says you want to sleep with me.
- Sorry - said the blonde - I think your watch is broken.
- Hmmm - said the man slowly examining the watch. It seems to be running an hour fast...
A guy goes into a bar and seats himself next to a hot looking woman. After a few drinks he musters the courage to talk to her. After a few more drinks and a little conversation he leans over to the woman and asks:
- Can I smell your Pussy?
The woman is outraged and answers with a stern:
- Of course not!
The drunk man replies.......
- Oh, then it must be your feet.
A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy.
- Are you the manager? - she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.
- Actually, no, - he replied.
- Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him, - she said, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
- I'm afraid I can't, - breathes the bartender, clearly in trouble.
- Is there anything I can do?
- Yes there is. I need you to give him a message, - she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
- Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies room.
