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The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in Washington DC this Christmas season.

This isn't for any religious reason, they simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the Nation's capitol.

There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when, all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road, and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.

The old farmer, after seeing what had happened, went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole to bury the politicians.

A few days later the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.

The old farmer said he had buried them.

The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Were they all dead?"

The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."

President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar.

A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"

The barman says, "Yep, that's them."

So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"

Bush says, "We're planning WW III".

And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one blonde with big tits."

The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big tits?"

"Why kill a blonde with big tits?"

Bush turns to Powell and says, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"

• "Things are more like they are now than they have ever been." --President Gerald Ford
• "My fellow astronauts..."--Vice-President Dan Quayle, beginning a speech at an Apollo 11 anniversary celebration.
• "Capital punishment is our society's recognition of the sanctity of human life."--Orrin Hatch, Senator from Utah, explaining his support of the death penalty.
• "China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."--Charles de Gaulle, ex-French President
• "I stand by all the misstatements."--Dan Quayle, defending himself against criticism for making verbal gaffes
• "Gerald Ford was a Communist"--Ronald Reagan in a speech. He later indicated he meant to say 'Congressman'.

A reporter heard Bush and one of his underlings talking in the hallway:

- Mr President, how do we know for sure Iraq has weapons of mass destruction?

- You think we're stupid boy??? We made copies of all the receipts!!

I want to become a politician when I grow up so I've made a list of skills I want to aquire, but I've only come up with one: Lying.

Proof That Jesus Was Jewish:

1. He went into his father's business.
2. He lived at home until the age of 33.
3. He was sure his mother was a virgin, and his mother was sure he was God.

Proof That Jesus Was Irish:

1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.

Proof That Jesus Was Puerto Rican:

1. His first name was Jesus.

1. I be God. Don' be dissin me.
2. Don' be makin hood ornaments outa me or nothin in my crib.
3. Don' be callin me for no reason - homey don' play dat.
4. Y'all betta be in church on Sundee.
5. Don' dis ya mama...an if ya know who ya daddy is, don dis him neither.
6. Don' ice ya bros.
7. Stick to ya own woman.
8. Don' be liftin no goods.
9. Don' be frontin like you all that an no snitchin on ya homies.
10. Don' be eyein' ya homie's crib, ride, or nothin.

Back when Bill Clinton and Hillary got married Bill told her, "There's one thing I want you to know. There's a box under my bed, and I don't want you to look in it until I die." Hillary agreed to this but, over the years, the curiosity got the better of her, and she finally looked in it. She found three beer cans and 1.5 million dollars in cash.

When she asked Bill what the beer cans were for, he replied, "Well, those are for all the times I've cheated on you."

Hillary said, "Well, that's not bad after all these years, and you being a politician, and traveling and all." She was about to leave, but then she said, "Hey, Bill, what about the 1.5 million dollars?"

What did George W Bush get on his S.A.T.'s?
→ Drool.

Three guys, a Canadian, Osama bin Laden, and George W. Bush are out walking together one day. They came across a lantern and a genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you one wish. That's three wishes total," said the genie.

The Canadian said, "I'm a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada." With a blink of the genie's eye, POOF the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.

Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews, or Americans can come into our precious state." Again, with a blink of the genie's eye, POOF there was a huge wall around Afghanistan.

1. Only in America...... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America...... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America...... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America...... do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.
5. Only in America...... do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America...... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.