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Republicans first began thinking like Republicans when they stopped believing in Santa Claus.
Democrats became Democrats because they never stopped believing in Santa Claus.

Republicans see nothing wrong with letting their children play "Cowboys and Indians."
Democrats don't either, as long as the Indians win.

Cheapskate Republicans buy an artificial Christmas tree.
Tight-fisted Democrats buy a real tree, but they wait until the week before Christmas when the lots lower their prices.

Green Democrats buy a real tree with roots, and then replant it after New Years.

Democrats' favorite Christmas carol is "Deck the Halls."
Young Democrat's favorite Christmas carol is "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer."
Republican's favorite Christmas carol is "White Christmas."
Young Republicans' favorite Christmas carol is "White Christmas."

Most Republicans try, at least once, enclosing indulgent, wretchedly maudlin form letters about their families in their Christmas cards.
Public ridicule from Democrats usually discourages them from doing it again.

Democrats wear wide red ties and green sports jackets during the festive season.
Republicans do too, all year round.

Republicans always take the price tag off expensive gifts before wrapping.
Democrats also remove price tags off pricey gifts ... and reposition them to make sure they are seen.

Democrats' favorite Christmas movie is "Miracle on 34th Street."
Republicans' favorite Christmas movie is "It's a Wonderful Life."
Right-Wing Republicans' favorite Christmas movie is "Die Hard."

Republicans spends hundreds of dollars and hours of work decorating the yard with outdoor lights and Christmas displays.
Democrats save their time and money, and drive around at night to look at other people's lights.

Republican parents have no problem buying toy guns for their kids.
Democrats refuse to do so. That is why their kids pretend to shoot each other with dolls.

Democrats do much of their shopping at Target and Wal-Mart.
So do Republicans, but they don't admit it.

When not in stores, Republicans shop from a catalog.
Democrats watch for "incredible TV offers" on late night television.

Who do they get for Babe the pig's dangerous movie scenes?
→ A stunt ham.

The teacher was furious with her son. "Just because you've been put in my class, there's no need to think you can take liberties. You're a pig." The boy said nothing.

"Well! Do you know what a pig is?"

"Yes, Mom," said the boy. "The offspring of a swine."

What do you get when you cross a pig with a billy goat?
→ A crashing bore.

Why do pigs never recover from illness?
→ Because you have to kill them before you cure them!

What kind of tie does a pig wear?
→ Pig's tie!

What do you get if you cross pigs with a lot of grapes?
→ A swine gut!

What did the pig call a manuscript?
→ A shoat story.

What famous pig actor made a movie about Frankenswine?
→ Boaris Karloff.

Why did the pig send his story to New York?
→ He wanted to be published on Pork Avenue.

Why was the pig happy when reviewers criticized his story?
→ Because they called it garbage.

What are the pigs warned to look out for in New York?
→ Pigpockets.

What did the pig say when he found a line of ants in his trough?
→ "Mmm. Canapes."

Why wouldn't the sow let her piglets play with toads?
→ She didn't want them to grow into wart hogs.