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Three Things Women Can Do That Men Can't:

1. Bleed for a week and not die.
2. Give milk without eating grass
3. Bury an eight inch bone faster than any dog!

Woman goes into a hardware store and asks the clerk for two AA batteries. The clerk gestures with his fingers and says, "Come this way," and heads towards the back of the store.

- If I could come that way - she tells the retreating clerk:

- I wouldn't need the batteries.

How did Revlon come up with it's brunette hair color?
→ By studying what oil spills did to seaweed.

Who makes all the bras for brunettes?
→ Fisher-Price

The doctor said to the housewife:

- I've got good news and I've got bad news.

- The good news is you don't have PMS.

- The bad news is - you're a bitch!

The success of the "Wonder Bra" for under-endowed women, has encouraged the designers to come out with a bra for over-endowed women.

It's called the "Sheep Dog Bra"...

It rounds them up and points them in the right direction.

Commercial:

Do Seagulls Circle your house?

Does your boyfriend sing " The shrimp boats are coming"?

Do you make people vomit in the elevator?

Try FDS!

Feminnine hygene spray! two squirts will 'twinkle your twat'

Judy arrived home from her date, tossed her coat over a chair, her handbag over the banister, she threw her clothes around the bedroom without care. The next morning at breakfast, her mother asked her if she had a good time?

- Oh - sighed Judy:

- I had a wonderful time.

- I thought as much - her mother remarked:

- Your underpants are still stuck to the ceiling!

Why is the section of body between a womans breasts and her croutch called a waste??
→ You could fit another pair of breasts there

Why don't witches wear panties?
→ So they can get a better grip on the broom.

How is a woman like a condom?
→ Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

What's the quickest way to a woman's heart?
→ Straight through the rib cage.

Why do little girls carry goldfish in their pockets?
→ To smell like big girls.

What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pit bull?
→ Lipstick.

Why did the woman with P.M.S. cross the road?
→ She just did, alright!!

Why do women have arms?
→ Have you any idea how long it would take to LICK a bathroom clean?

The Makers of Viagra are announcing that they have developed a pill to increase lubrication in females. The pill will be called Niagra.

In the beginning, God created earth and rested.

Then God created man and rested.

Then God created woman.

Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God:

- Lord, I have a problem!

- What's the problem, Eve?

- Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I'm just not happy.

- Why is that, Eve? - came the reply from above.

- Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples.

- Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you.

- What's a 'man', Lord?

- This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger and faster and more muscular…

Why haven't Women landed on the Moon?
→ Because it doesn't need cleaning yet!

Her father was very angry when he heard that his twenty year old daughter had hitch hiked all alone, all the way from San Francisco to Washington.

- For gods sake! - he screamed:

- Someone could have attacked you and raped you!

- I wasn't ever in no danger at all - she said, trying to calm him down.

- As soon as someone gave me a ride, I said I was going to Washington, because thats where they have the best treatment for sexually transmitted diseases.

ELEMENT: WOMAN
SYMBOL: WO
DISCOVERER: ADAM
ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 53.6 Kg, but known to vary from 40 to 200 Kg.

OCCURRENCE: Copious quantities in all urban areas.

Physical Properties:

1. Surface normally covered with a painted film.
2. Boils at nothing, freezes without any known reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter if incorrectly used.

Why don't women wear dresses in the winter?
→ Chapped lips.

What is the difference between a blonde and a brunette?
→ Well about 15 minutes!

Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, an angel tells Ford, "Well, you've been such a good guy and your invention, the assembly line for the automobile, changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want to in Heaven."

Ford thinks about it and says, "I wanna hang out with God, himself." The befeathered fellow at the gate takes Ford to the Throne Room and introduces him to God. Ford then asks God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of Woman?" God says, "Ah, yes." "Well," says Ford, "You have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much front end protrusion
2. It chatters at high speeds
3. The rear end wobbles too much, and