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Why do men pay more than women for car insurance?
→ Because women don't get blowjobs while they're driving.

THE MASTERCARD COMMERCIAL ALL MEN ARE WAITING FOR

- Cover charge: $15.00

- Round of drinks: $23.00

- Table dance: $30.00

- Another round of drinks: $23.00

- Couch dance and tips: $50.00

- A round of shots: $34.00

- A Bottle of Dom and a Limo home: 125.00

- Private dance in your hotel room: $300.00

- Sending her on her way and never having to hear her complain: Priceless

Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises.

- How do you account for this? - he asked the brothers.

- It's hereditary, sir - the older one replied.

- I see - said the doctor, writing in his file.

- Your father's the reason for your elongated penises?

- No sir, our mother.

- Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!

- I know, sir - replied the recruit, but she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best she could.

What is the definition of ultimate rejection?
→ Your hand falling asleep while masturbating.

Have you heard the one about the . . . .
. . . recent survey on cigarettes which found that 90% of the men that tried Camels still prefer women.

How is a man like a snow fall?
→ You never know how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

What is a man's best friend?
→ His dick because it always sitcks up for him.

Men come in three sizes:
Small, medium, and Oh My God!!!

At a Texas University, a Professor had been teaching his students human reproduction. For an exam, one of the questions was: "Female humans are born with a limited number of eggs, while males, during their lifetime, produce millions upon millions of sperm. Why are so many sperm produced?" One young woman's answer: "Because they won't ask for directions either."

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.

Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

A man walks into a bar and orders two drinks. As the bartender watches he drinks one drink and pours the other one on his hand. He orders two more drinks and does the same thing. The third time the bartender asks him what's going on. "Why are you pouring that drink on your hand"? The man smiles at him, winks and says "I'm trying to get my date drunk."

On the beach, how can you recognize a guy who uses an inflatable sex doll?
→ Instead of staring at the bikinis, he's staring at the beach balls.

- Did I tell you I had this woman pounding on my door all night last night?

- Yeah, I finally let her out!

How do men exercise at the beach?
→ By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

WHY IS AN IMPOTENT MAN LIKE A CHRISTMAS TREE?
→ THEY BOTH HAVE BALLS FOR DECORATION

why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
→ breasts don't have eyes

What do men have in common with toilet bowls, aniversaries, and clitorises?
→ They miss them all.

How is being at the singles bar different from being at the circus?
→ At the circus the clowns don't talk...

What kind of clothes are there?
→ women: clean & dirty
Men: Clean, almost clean, sorta clean, not bad, dirty, really dirty, nasty, biohazzard. (Men will voluntarily wear all but the last classification of these clothes).

How do you get a man to do situps?
→ Glue the TV remote between his ankles...

You may have heard that a New Zealand man had a hand transplant. Guess what? His penis rejected it!

Two buddies get together and decide to go to a whorehouse, one of them tired of doing it with his wife all the time, the other not having it done for a long time. Anyways the married one goes up and comes down and says "My wife is much better." "Allright" goes the other guy, "Let me go try the same woman."

Well he goes and screws the whore, comes than says to his buddy, "You are right man, Your wife is much better."

Did you hear the one about the guy who had five penises?
→ He had a pair of underpants that fitted him like a glove.....

IDEAL DATE

- At 17 Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in

- At 25 "Split the check before we go back to my place"

- At 35 "Just come over."

- At 48 "Just come over and cook."

- At 66 Sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas.

Age Line

- 17 My parents are away for the weekend.

- 25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend.

- 35 My fiancee is away for the weekend.

- 48 My wife is away for the weekend.

- 66 My second wife is dead.