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An 80-year-old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor's, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left.

Later that night while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair and his wife asked:

- Where are you going?

He replied:

- To the kitchen.

She asked:

- Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?

He replied:

- Sure.

A driver pulled up beside a rundown farmhouse. He got out and knocked at the door. A very old woman answered the door, and he asked her for directions to Des Moines.

- Don't know - the woman said.

He got back in his car and pulled away. Then he heard voices. He looked in his rearview mirror and saw the woman and an equally old man waving for him to come back. So he made a U-turn and drove up to them.

- This is my husband - the old woman said.

- He doesn't know how to get to Des Moines either.

Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first man:

- What is three times three?

- 274 - was his reply.

The doctor says to the second man:

- It's your turn. What is three times three?

- Tuesday - replies the second man.

The doctor says to the third man:

- Okay, your turn. What's three times three?

- Nine - says the third man.

- That's great! - says the doctor.

THERE WERE THREE OLD LADIES SITTING AROUND THE KITCHEN TABLE; GERTRUDE, SOPHIA, AND HARRIET. GERTRUDE SAID:

- I THINK I'LL GO UPSTAIRS NOW AND TAKE A BATH.

SHE TOOK ALL HER CLOTHES OFF AS SHE WAS FILLING UP THE TUB, SHE HAD ONE FOOT IN THE TUB AND THE OTHER STILL OUTSIDE THE TUB. SHE SAID:

- WAS I GOING INTO THE TUB, OR COMING OUT OF THE TUB?

SOPHIA AND HARRIET WERE DOWNSTAIRS CHATTING WITH EACH OTHER, WHEN SOPHIA SAID:

- YOU KNOW, GERTRUDE'S BEEN UP THERE FOR QUITE A WHILE, I'D BETTER GO CHECK ON HER.

AS SHE WAS GOING UP THE STAIRS SHE STOPPED AND TURNED AROUND AND SAID:

- WAS I GOING UP THE STAIRS, OR COMING DOWN THE STAIRS?

HARRIET WAS LEFT SITTING AT THE TABLE BY HERSELF. AFTER SHE HEARD…

Here is this guy who really takes care of his body, he lifts weights and jogs five miles every day.

One morning he looks into the mirror and admires his body. he noticed that he is really sun-tanned all over, except his penis, and he decies to do something about it.

He goes to the beach, strips completey and burries himself in the sand, except for his penis sticking out of the sand.

Two little old ladies are strolling along the beach and one looks down and says:

- There is no justice in this world

The other lady says:

- What do you mean?

The first lady says:

- Look at that

When I was 10 Yeras old I was afriad of it.

An old man and an old woman were sitting at the breakfast table on the morning of their 50th wedding anniversary. The old man said:

- You know, 50 years ago, we were probably sitting here buck naked.

The woman said:

- Why don't we try that again?

So they stripped and sat down at the table again. Soon the old woman said:

- Honey, my titties are as hot for you today as they were 50 years ago.

The man replied:

- Of course they are dear, one's in your oatmeal and the others in your coffee!

The 75 year old man and his young, knockout wife were shopping in an upscale jewelry boutique when the man's oldest friend bumped into him. Eyeing the curvaceous blonde bending over the counter to try on a necklace, the friend asked:

- How in the hell did YOU land a wife like that?

The old man whispered back:

- Easy. I told her I was 90!

One day an older fella was in for a checkup.

After his examination, his doctor was amazed.

- Holy cow! Mr. Edwards, I must say that you are in the greatest shape of any 64 year old I have ever examined!

- Did I say I was 64?

- Well, no, did I read your chart wrong?

- Damn straight you did! I'm 85!

- 85!! Unbelievable! You would be in great shape if you were 25! How old was your father when he died?

- Did I say he was dead?

- You mean...

- Damn straight! He's 106 and going strong!

Minutes before the cremation, the undertaker quietly sat down next to the grieving widow.

- How old was your husband? - he asked.

- He was ninety-eight - she answered softly.

- Two years older than I am.

- Really? - the undertaker said.

- Hardly worth going home, wouldn't you say?

There was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impediment.

One day he went shopping, his first stop was at a hardware store.

He went up to the shop assistant and asked:

- Could I have a fucket please?

The assistant asked:

- Pardon sir?

- Can I have a fucket please? - Replied the man.

- Oh you mean a bucket! - The shop assistant replied.

The old man said:

- Yes, that's what I said.

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Four. Actually, only one to screw it in.
The other 3 are there to listen to him brag about the screwing part!

Why do men take showers instead of baths?
→ Pissing in the bath is disgusting.

What do you do if your bank account stops working?
→ Throw the guy out of the house.

"Three Men And A Baby"........

What you get when four men go fishing and one comes back after having caught nothing.

Which of the following lines will do a better job of frightening a man away?

1. Get away or I'll call the police!!!
2. I love you and want to marry you and have your children.

Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment?
→ A mental hospital.

If men had PMS, what would happen?
a) The federal government would allocate funds to study it.
b) Cramps would become an acceptable reason to apply for permanent disability.
c) There would be a federal holiday every 28 days.
d) All of the above.

How are men like UFOs?
→ You don't know where they come from, what their mission is, or what time they're going to take off.

What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner?
→ When the power goes off.

What is a macho man?
→ After getting a blow job, he asks the woman, 'Was it as good for you, as it was for me?'

Why are men like blenders?
→ You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

Why is urine yellow and sperm white?
→ So men can tell if they are coming or going.

Billy was 14 and just started jerkin off. He loved to jerk off. However, one day, his dad walked in on him while he was jerkin off! Billy was so embarrassed. He pulled up his pants as quick as he could. But, his dad already seen him.

- Billy, doing that will make you go blind

- Dad, I'm over here!

What's the ultimate rejection?
→ When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

What do most men think Mutual Orgasm is?
→ An insurance company.