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Why is the government like a prostitute?
→ Your always getting screwed and you have to pay for it!

A hundred prostitutes in Washington D.C. were asked if they would ever sleep with President Clinton. 60% said, 'Never again!'

If Ted Kennedy, Dan Quayle, Bob Packwood and Bill Clinton all had a spelling contest, which one would win?
→ Dan Quayle. He's the only one who knows that harass is one word.

What is the difference between the government and the Mafia?
→ One of them is organized.

Whats the difference between Monica and a Soda machine?
→ They both have, "incert Bill"!

One day Clinton goes to the bathroom, pulls down his pants, and much to his amazement, he finds a red ring around his penis. So the next day he goes to his physician and the doctor says:

- I cant figure out what it is. So I'll give you some medicine, and if it doesn't work, come back. Ill give you something else.

So clinton takes the perscription and takes the pills as directed and comes back in 2 weeks. The physician then hands him a different prescription and he comes back in 3 weeks this time. Then, instead of giving him a prescription he gives him a small tube-like capsule. The doctor says:

- Rub this around the offending circle and come back tomorrow.

What does Ted Kennedy have that Bill Clinton wishes he had??
→ An ex-wife and a dead girl friend.

The FBI finally came back with the DNA results.

Clinton was a perfect match.

So was all of Arkansas.

Did you hear the latest theory about Monica Lewinsky?
→ It may never be proven but they think she may be the youngest woman to have ever held the Presidency.

What has four legs and smells like fish?
→ Clinton's desk.

Why does Bill Clinton wear underwear?
→ To keep his ankles warm.

One gay man says to the other, did you hear Newt Gingrich is coming out?

- Really? - the second gay man says:

- that's amazing!

The first gay man says:

- yeah we're lucky, he's only coming out of Congress, would you wanna sleep with him?

A young, ruthless executive died and went to hell. When he got there, he saw one sign that said Capitalist Hell, and another that said Socialist Hell. In front of the Socialist Hell was an incredibly long line, while there was no-one in front of the Capitalist Hell. So the executive asked the guard:

- What do they do to you in Socialist Hell?

- They boil you in oil, whip you, and then put you on the rack - the guard replied.

- And what do they do to you in Capitalist Hell?

- The same exact thing - the guard answered.

- Then why is everybody in line for Socialist Hell?

- Because in Socialist Hell, they're always out of oil, whips, and racks!

Boss, to four of his employees:

- I'm really sorry, but I'm going to have to let one of you go.

- Black Employee: I'm a protected minority.

- Female Employee: And I'm a woman.

- Oldest Employee: Fire me, buster, and I'll hit you with an age discrimination suit so fast it'll make your head spin.

To which they all turn to look at the helpless young, white, male employee, who thinks a moment, then responds:

- I think I might be gay...

How big is Bill Clinton's Penis?
→ Not as big as Hillary's

At a government affair, the wives of four world leaders are chatting about how people refer to a penis in their countries.

The wife of Tony Blair says in England people call it a gentleman, because it stands up when women are entering.

The wife of Boris Yeltsin says in Russia you call it a patriot, because you never know if it will hit you on the front or on the back side.

The wife of Chirac says in France you call it a curtain, because it goes down after the act.

With great resignation, the wife of Clinton says in the USA you call it a rumor, because it goes from mouth to mouth...

Hillary and Chelsea were having a deep dish heart to heart talk about Chelsea's college experiences.

- Hillary: So have you found dating to be a fulfilling experience?

- Chelsea: It's okay..but i don't like how the boys sometimes act like real sex hounds.

- Hillary: Well, uh, have you, uh, actually had sex?

- Chelsea: Well Mom, no, not IF you define sex the way Daddy does.

Why doesn't Hillary wear short dress?
→ Her balls would show.

What did Clinton say when accused of copying his homework from his girlfriend at Oxford?
→ I did not have textual relations with that woman.

They just found out Clinton's been stuffing turf in his underpants.

They're for grass roots support.

Did you hear about the new downhill racing skis the ski resorts are selling this year?
→ They are called Lewin-skis. They are for people who like to go down.

What is green, has four legs and smells like woman?
→ The white house's pool table

What does Bill say to prospective interns?
→ "Haven't I cum across your face before?"

Some time ago Mr. Clinton was hosting a state dinner when at the last minute his regular cook took ill and they had to get a replacement at short notice. The fellow arrived and turned out to be a very grubby looking man named Jon. The President voiced his concerns to his chief of staff but was told that this was the best they could do at such short notice.

Just before the meal, the President noticed the cook sticking his fingers in the soup to taste it and again he complained to the chief of staff about the cook, but he was told that this man was supposed to be a very good chef. The meal went okay but the President was sure that the soup tasted a little off, and by the time dessert came, he…

Did you hear what Monica Lewinskys' mother said when she brought home her dress?
→ What, doesn't the White House have any club soda?