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Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find out that she's pregnant! She is furious. Here just became the senator of New York and this has happened to her. She gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming:

- How could you have let this happen? With all that's going on right now, you go and get me pregnant! How could you??!!! I can't believe this! I just found out I am five weeks pregnant and it is all your fault!!! Your fault!!! Well, what have you got to say???

There is nothing but dead silence on the phone. She screams again:

- Did you hear me??!!

Finally she hears Bill's very, very quiet voice. In a barely audible whisper, he says:

- Who is this?

What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
→ 1 U.S. leader

Two men were stopped by a TV newswoman doing street interviews about the upcoming presidential primary election.

- I'm not voting for any of the candidates - the first man said.

- I don't know any of them.

- I feel the same way - the second man said.

- Only I know them all.

Two farmers were talking at the general store. One farmer says to the other, "Did you hear about that new variety of corn called Perot corn?" The second farmer replies, "No I ain't." The first farmer says, "Yeah, it's a big yielding variety. The stalk don't grow too big, but the ears are tremendous!"

What did Bob Dole reply when asked if he preferred boxers or briefs?
→ Depends.

Three Republicans walk into a bar.

The bartender says:

- We don't serve Republicans here.

The Republicans say:

- That's OK... We don't serve you either.

Why are there no Olympic Team Cuban swimmers?
→ Cause all the Cuban who can swim are here already!

How did Bill and Hillary Clinton first meet?
→ They were both dating the same girl in high school.

- President Clinton to maid: Mam, can you do something about Hillary's room. She complains that it's the ugliest room in the White House.

- Maid: Yes, Mr. President--I'll remove the mirrors right away.

A guy is sitting at a bar and orders a drink. At the same time the TV go's on and there is Bill Clinton about to give a speech. The man yells:

- There's a horses ass

A guy gets up and punches him.. And the man left.. Then when Hilary Clinton came on he said the same:

- There's a horses ASS...

He then got punched again.. So he says to the bartender:

- What is this, a Clinton country?

The bartender says:

- no, Horse country

The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it. The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear.

The bear is yelling:

A woman shows up at the white house in a trench coat and scarf and says:

- I received your emergency phone call, Mrs. Clinton, and came right away, but what could "I" possibly do to save the country?

- Mrs. Clinton: Come inside and let me explain, Mrs. Bobbit...

Definition: Politics
Poli (Poly): Many....
Tic(k)s: Blood sucking creatures

One night Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington's ghost in the White House.

- George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country? - Clinton asked.

- Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did - advised George.

The next night the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom.

- Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country? - Clinton asked.

- Cut taxes and reduce the size of government - advised Tom.

Clinton didn't sleep well the next night, and saw yet another figure moving in the shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln's ghost.

- Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country? - Clinton asked. Abe replied:

- Go to the theater.

Saddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells him:

- Bill, I had a wonderful dream last night. I could see America, the whole beautiful country, and on each house I saw a banner.

- What did it say on the banners? - Clinton asks.

Saddam replies:

- Allah is god, god is Allah.

Clinton says:

- You know, Saddam, I am really happy you called. Last night I had a similar dream. I could see all of Baghdad, and it was more beautiful than ever. It had been rebuilt completely, and on each house flew an enormous banner.

- What could you see on the banners? - Saddam asks.

Clinton replies:

- I don't know. I can't read Hebrew.

President Clinton and his wife are at the first baseball game of the season. At the start of the game the pitcher comes up in the stands and whispers something in Clinton's ear. All of a sudden Clinton looks at Hillary and yells, "Okay, Hillary, GET OUT!". She looks surprised but leaves. The pitcher looks at Clinton and says, "No, I said to throw out the first PITCH!"

The Australian liberal party announced today that they are changing their emblem to a condom because it more clearly reflects their party's political stance: A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, discourages co-operation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives one a sense of security while screwing others.

A little girl asked her father:

- Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with Once Upon A Time?

And he replied:

- No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with 'If Elected I promise...'

BUY YUGO WAR BONDS

For $25 US dollars you can invest in the future of a developing country just out of the clutches of communism.

What your $$$ buyz: Russian ammo for one freedom fighter for one month for the ethnic clensing!

Their motto: I wanns be like Ike! A little behind the times, BUT!

They model themselves after the US of A. They want to establish a land- first ridding themselves of undesireables (like the US did against the native inhabitants) Why not? What's good enough for US is good enuff for them!

The 'Kentucky Fried Chicken' franchise has a new Bucket of Chicken out. It's called the 'Hillary Clinton Bucket.' It contains two small breasts and two large thighs.

A redneck calls up the White House and tells the receptionist:

- I'd like to become the next President of the United States.

- The receptionist: What are you, an idiot?

- Redneck: Why, is it required?

Did you hear that Clinton has announced there is a new national bird?
→ The spread eagle.

Why are politicians like diapers?
→ Both should be changed regularly and for the same reason.

The Yugoslav news agency Tanjug reported that Yugoslavian air defenses had shot down a NATO F-16 just after nightfall while the jet was on a bombing run. The plane crashed into an empty field, creating a huge crater. Serbian search and rescue workers have recovered 307 bodies so far, proving that NATO is using Albanian men, women and children terrorists to wage their war of terror from the sky.

Why is Chelsea Clinton growing up a confused child?
→ Because dad can't keep his pants on and mom wants to wear them.