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Why do gay men have moustaches?
→ To hide the stretchmarks.

What did one gay sperm say to the other?
→ I can't find my way through all this shit.

A big 300 pound, seven foot brute of a man walked into a bar one evening and said to the bartender:

- Give everyone a drink except that gay guy over there.

About fifteen minutes later he gives the same order:

- Give everyone a drink except that gay guy over there.

The gay guy asks the bartender for two ice cubes. The bartender asks why, and the gay guy says:

- I am going to put one in each cheek, go over there, and cold-cock that big sonofabitch!

What do you call an open can of tuna fish in a lesbian's apartment?
→ Potpourri

What does a lesbian think the string on the end of a tampoon is for?
→ For flossing after eating.

A woman orders a chicken sandwhich and starts to choke.

People are running frantically, trying to figure out what to do. Two homosexuals sitting in the corner wisper to each other and run in front of the choking lady. One strips out of his overalls, bends over butt naked in front of his friend. His friend proceeds to lick the other's ass.

Upon seeing this, the lady vomits forcing the lodged food from her throat. After making sure the lady is OK, the two homosexuals return to their food.

One turns to the other and says:

- Wow, that hind-lick manuever really works!

What is the first symptom of AIDS?
→ A hard, deep, pounding sensation in your ass.

Three gay guys were all in a car crash and died. All three guys were cremated.

Their boyfriends were talking about what they were going to do with the ashes.

The first boyfriend said I am going to sky dive and spread his ashes in the sky because that's what he liked. The second guy said I am going to spread my boyfriend's ashes in the sea because it's what he liked.

The third guy said I'm going to put my boyfriend's ashes in a bowl of chili so he can rip through my ass one last time!!

How do faggots get a condom off?
→ They fart.

A big 300 pound, seven foot brute of a man walked into a bar one evening and said to the bartender:

- Give everyone a drink except that gay guy over there.

About fifteen minutes later he gives the same order:

- Give everyone a drink except that gay guy over there.

The gay guy asks the bartender for two ice cubes. The bartender asks why, and the gay guy says:

- I am going to put one in each cheek, go over there, and cold-cock that big sonofabitch!

Bob, who's gay, decides to go out for a good time and ends up at a gay bar. There he meets an attractive young man named Johnny who he talks to all evening.

When the night comes to an end Johnny invites him over to his place.

They get in Johnny's car, a pink stretch Cadillac, and proceed to leave the parking lot. Yet Bob is quite concerned when Johnny repeatedly smashes into parked cars as they are leaving the lot. Once they reach Johnny's place, again Johnny looks around and proceeds to smash into parked cars as he's parking his.

As they got out of the car Johnny asked:

- So Bob, do you like my feminine side?

What is the most popular pick up line in a gay bar?
→ Can I push your stool in?

What do you call a gay man's scrotum?
→ Mud flaps!

What's the difference between a ritz cracker and a lesbian?
→ One's a snack cracker, the other a crack snacker!

Two bums were sitting on a street curb, bored as ever.

Then, one of them got an idea, saying:

- I know, let's play swords!

- Play swords? - asked the other.

- How?

- Simple. Whip it out, smack it till it's hard, and we both whack 'em together like swords.

So they did, and they were running up and down the street, smacking their dicks together playing swords.

Then, a gay man walked up to them and inquired about their actions.

- We're playing swords! - yelled one of the bums.

The gay man wanted to play too. An hour later, the gay man was becoming exhausted.

A traveling salesman's car breaks down, and he walks over to a near by farm. He knocks on the door and the farmer appears. "Excuse me sir, but my car broke down about a mile down the road, and I was wondering if you had a place I could stay, just until morning, and I....." The farmer says, "Well, I can let you sleep in the barn, but you'll have to sleep with my two sons...." The salesman says, "Sons! I must be in the wrong joke!"

What do gay men refer to hemorrhoids as?
→ Speed bumps

What do you call two lesbians in a canoe?
→ Fur traders.

Two fags are on a picnic, and the first guy says, "I have to take a dumpski," and he walks into the woods to do it. Several minutes later, the other guy hears the first guy crying, "Boo Hoo, I Had A Miscarriage. I Had A Miscarriage." He runs into the woods to see what is going on. When he gets there, the first guy is still crying, "Boo-Hoo I Had A Miscarriage..." He looks down and says, "Don't be silly. You didn't have a miscarraige. You had diarrhea on a toad."

There is 2 fags walking down the beach. They are holding hands andkicking the sand with their feet. One happens to kick a lamp that islying buried in the sand. He pick it up and starts to clean it off.

All of a sudden a Genie comes out of the lamp.

Genie:

- Man, I don't believe it. I have stuck in that bottle for 2thousand years and the first person to come along and find me is afag. I am suppose to give you 3 wishes but I just can't do it. I won'teven give you 2. I will give you one wish and that is it. What will itbe.

The 2 fags are excited about getting their wish but couldn't come upwith what they wanted to wish for on such short notice.

Fag1 says:

A guy walks into a bar ... once inside, he realizes it's a gay bar, but he decides, "What the heck, I really want a drink." So he sits down at the bar, and the gay bartender says to him, "What's the name of your penis?" The guy says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink." The gay bartender says, "I'm sorry, but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis." So the guy looks at the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a beer and asks, "Hey bud, what's the name of your penis?" The man to left, with a smile, looks back and says, "TIMEX." The guy asks, "Why Timex?" The fella proudly replies, "Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'!" A little shaken…

DOUBLE VODKA A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodka." The barman says "Wow! you must have had one really bad day." "Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay." The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!" On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said "WOW! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?" "Yeah, my wife..."

Two lesbians were standing at a bar drinking when another girl waved from across the bar. "Who is that babe?" one said to the other. "I'd sure like to get her spread out on my sheets." "No you wouldn't," said the other. "She's hung like a doughnut."

A young man, in the course of his college life, came to terms with his homosexuality and decided to "come out of the closet." His plan was to tell his mother first; so on his next home visit, he went to the kitchen, where his mother was busying herself stirring stew with a wooden spoon. Rather nervously, he explained to her that he had realized he was gay. Without looking up from her stew, his mother said, "You mean, homosexual?" "Well...yes." Still without looking up: "Does that mean you suck men`s penises?" Caught off guard, the young man eventually managed to stammer an embarrassed affirmative; whereupon his mother turned to him and, brandishing the wooden spoon threateningly under his…

A long time resident of San Francisco is packing allhis stuff into boxes. His roommate comes in & askswhat he's doing.

- I'm leaving ! - he replies. They justmade homosexuality legal.

- So why leave now ? - queries his roomie. Gays havebeen part of the scene here for years and years.

- Yeah, I know. - he replied. I'm getting the hell outof here before the damn fools make it compulsory.