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- Nurse: Doctor, there is an invisible man in your waiting room.

- Doctor: Tell him I can't see him now. Next.

As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said:

- I can't find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking.

- In that case, - said the patient, I'll come back when you're sober

A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging.

- Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?

- Patient: Why? Docor, it wasn't all that bad this time.

- Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don't want to miss the four o'clock ball game.

I am always getting those return address labels from charities wanting money.

The other day, I got one from an Alzheimer's group. Funny though, they forgot to put my street name on them!

- Patient: Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow.

- Doctor: How do you feel?

- Patient: A little down in the mouth.

- Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?

- Dentist: $100.00.

- Patient: $100.00 for just a few minutes work?

- Dentist: Well, I can extract it very slowly if you like.

- Prisoner: Look here, doctor! You've already removed my spleen, tonsils, adenoids, and one of my kidneys. I only came to see if you could get me out of this place!

- Doctor: I am, bit by bit.

5. You never have to watch reruns on television.
6. You are always meeting new people.
7. You don't have to remember the whines and complaints of your spouse.
8. You can hide your own Easter eggs.
9. Mysteries are always interesting.

- Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up five more points?

- Doctor: Sell!

- Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?

- Nurse: No change yet.

- Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?

- Doctor: You've had an accident involving a bus.

- Patient: What happened?

- Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?

- Patient: Give me the bad news first.

- Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them.

- Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news?

- Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers.

A blonde and a brunette decide to start a farm together. They add up their life savings into a total of $200.00.

Then, the blonde decided to purchase a bull with it. The brunette agrees, and so the brunette leaves to go find the perfect bull. When she does she is to telegram the blonde and tell her to come get it.

Finally, the brunette find the bull of her dreams. The farmer says he wants $200 for it. The brunette, thinking she can get a better deal, says no to his offer.

The farmer says:

- Alright then, I'll give you a great deal, how about $199.00?

The brunette accepts and buys the bull. She has $1.00 left for the telegram. The telegram guy says:

- It's $1.00 per word.

Gloria the blonde once heard that milk baths would make you beautiful. She left a note for her milkman Alan to leave 15 gallons of milk.

When Alan read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the order.

Gloria came to the door, and Alan said:

- I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?

Gloria said:

- I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath.

Alan asked:

- Oh, alright, would you like it pasteurized?

Gloria replied:

- No, just up to my waist.

Why do Blondes wear earmuffs?
→ To avoid the draft.

Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours?
→ Because the can said "concentrate" on it.

How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
→ Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
→ Trying to hold on to a thought.

Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
→ They don't know the route.

- Artery -- Study of paintings

- Bacteria -- Back door of cafeteria

- Barium -- What doctors do when treatment fails

- Bowel -- Letter like A.E.I.O.U

- Caesarean section -- District in Rome

- Cat scan -- Searching for kitty

- Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her

- Colic -- Sheep dog

- Coma -- A punctuation mark

- Congenital -- Friendly

A dumb blonde is walking along, lost, and encounters a deep and wide river. She looks up and down the river for a way across but is unsuccessful in finding one. Yet, when looking to the other side again, she happened to see another blonde on the opposite river bank. She tried calling to her.

- How can I get to the other side of the river? - she shouts loudly.

The other blonde replied:

- What for? You are already on the other side of the river!

Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.

Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts:

- Ready . . . Aim . . .

Suddenly the brunette yells:

- earthquake!!

Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.

The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts:

- Ready . . . Aim . . .

The redhead then screams:

- tornado!!

A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde robbed a supermarket. As they were stealing, a police officer walked in the store and saw what was happening. He dashed toward them, but they were able to get away into the back of the store. There they found three sacks to hide in. When the police officer checked there, he examined each sack.

He kicks the first bag, and the redhead says "meow" in a high voice. The cop determines that it must only be a cat in that bag, and he moves on to the next.

When he kicks the second bag, the brunette says "woof" in a low voice. The officer determines that it must only be a dog in that bag, so he moves on to the last bag.

On her way home from a long trip, a blonde drove past a sign that said:

- CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES.

By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.

A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.

- Cop: Do you know where you were going?

- Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad because all the cars were leaving.

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job.

In the first room, she said she would like a pale blue.

The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out:

- green side up!

In the second room, she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow.

He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled:

- green side up!

The lady was somewhat curious, but she said nothing.

In the third room, she said she would like it painted a warm rose color.

The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled:

A blonde was recently fired from an M&M factory for throwing away Ws and peeling the shells on the candies. Therefore, she needed a new job to support herself. After going around town asking if anyone needed work done, she found a man who needed a painter.

- I'm here for the paint job - she said.

- Alright - said the man.

- Here is the paint and your brush. I want you to paint my porch behind the house.

The blonde immediately went to work painting. Within an hour, she was done and decided to put on a second coating.

After she finished, she returned to the man for her pay. She said with satisfaction:

- I not only completed the job, but I even put on two coats of paint! By the way, that isn't a…

A blond and her blond boyfriend went for a walk along the river.

The blond walked across alone on a wooden bridge. After crossing the river, the bridge fell down.

She called across to her blond boyfriend telling him that she couldn't get back.

He yelled in response:

- Wait until dark, and I will shine my flash light across the river. Get on the light beam and walk back.

She replied:

- No, I'll get half way across the river, and you will turn the light off on me!

A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.

- I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds.

When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.

- Why, that's amazing! - the doctor says.

- Did you follow my instructions?

The blonde nods:

- I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.

- From hunger, you mean? - said the doctor.

- No, from skipping - replied the blonde.

A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies:

- I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica.

The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats:

- I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica.

The head stewardesses doesn't even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blode is causing a problem…